GetSheila

No Partying – Go Straight To Your Room

Every year on April 15th, the office closes promptly at 5:00 and meets up at a local restaurant for drinks and dinner to celebrate making it though another tax season. We call it the Survivors Party.

No, we do not wear skimpy clothing, stab each other in the back, or scavenge for immunity necklaces.

Spouses are invited and we often run into other accounting offices doing the same thing. Merced is a small town and there just are not that many restaurants. So it’s a party we look forward to every year.

At least I thought we all did.

This year, the office manager sent out a message a mere ten days before the 15th telling us where and when the party would be held. This is a pet peeve of mine. Two, actually.

First, she knows we have this party every year yet she waits until the last minute to book it. In fact, I am fairly certain she does not take the initiative at all but only makes the call when one of the partners realizes we have not set anything up yet and tells her to do it. As I mentioned, there are not a lot of restaurants to choose from and we cannot always get a reservation for our large party at the last minute.

Second, we always go to the same restaurant. Always. Why? Not because the food it great, no. We go there because they are a client and always behind on their bill. We take our party out in trade.

Now don’t get me wrong, the food is quite adequate. It would just be nice to try something different now and again.

So we get the party notice, it is late, but we are having a party, just like we have done every year I have been an accountant, which is twenty plus. Three days later, we receive an email from Big Kahuna saying the party has been postponed to a later date, probably in May.

Um, what?

I can see deciding to institute a new tradition. Maybe people are dog tired on April 15th and would rather go home than to a party. I can see that. What I do not see is how you can set up the party as per usual, get it on everyone’s calendar, have their significant others clear their calendars for that evening, then cancel, all without consulting the staff. You know, the people the party is really for: to thank them for all their hard work.

And why, exactly, was the party cancelled - excuse me - “postponed?” Not in deference to people who might be tired and just want to go home, no. Big Kahuna cancelled the party because he wanted to drive to the coast to see his son play in a baseball tournament. A tournament that runs from Wednesday (April 15th) through Friday.

So whether he attends the party and drives to the coast afterward, either that night or early in the morning, or skips the party entirely and drives to the coast late in the afternoon, he still misses the Wednesday game but arrives in time for the Thursday game. He chose to cancel our party and thanked us for our understanding.

Dude, this is me, not understanding.

He had the balls to add, “I know this is changing tradition, but as our new President said, “change is in the air.””

The same President he refers to as Obamination. I am pretty sure there is a rule against quoting someone you loathe when the phrase you formerly ridiculed suddenly fits your circumstance.

The first thing that came to mind was: why should the entire party be cancelled just because Big Kahuna chooses not to attend? He is not the only partner. The plans have already been made. Why rain on everyone else’s parade?

So a staff member sent out an email asking who wanted to get together anyway just for drinks and appetizers.

And that is where it all fell apart. You would think, what with everyone already having the time reserved, people would say yes. One unsociable sort said no immediately. Another played the kid card, citing having to make special food in preparation for wisdom teeth extraction the next day, because teenagers are incapable of feeding themselves, apparently. The remaining partner clearly did not want to attend but felt he had to. Dude: It’s a party not a chore.

What with all that cheer and goodwill floating around, I said:

[For RSS readers: video inserted below]

 

Several people did get together but I was so disgusted with the whole thing I pooped out and went home. I was no longer in the mood. Deciding whether or not to go out and have fun should not be so hard.

And now I find out no one expects we will ever actually have a Survivors Party. Big Kahuna’s email said “maybe in May.” The general consensus is, “I’ll believe it when I am sitting in a deck chair in Big Kahuna’s back yard, sipping on a cool beverage.”

I was pissed the party was cancelled but I did assume we would eventually have one, until I heard that. What a bummer. Even if we have one now, it won’t be the same. Gone is the relief felt on April 15th as the last tax return walks out the door. It is not a Survivors Party if everyone is well rested and no longer feels harried. What is the point?

It will be an office party. Big deal. And listening to Big Kahuna and Buff Kahuna bicker about whose house will host the party, clearly indicating neither one wants to have us all over, does not encourage me to attend. Not that it is optional. If it were, it would be cancelled due to lack of interest because we are an office of party poopers.

And to think I used to be the Happy Hour Coordinator when I worked in the Bay Area.

Any bets on whether they go back to having an April 15th party actually on April 15th next year?

 

Technorati Tags: survirors party,tax follies,after tax season party

10 Tax Season Phenomena

1. McDonald’s Sweet Tea does, in fact, keep you alert while working late into the night. It does not, however, turn off when you are ready to go to sleep. Bummer.
   
2. You determine the day of the week by which pill compartments still contain vitamins.
   
3. Other people become stupid to the point of intolerance. Or your patience threshold plummets like a limbo bar at a dwarf convention. Whichever.
   
4. Your ass can increase an entire pant size during one tax season.
   
5. The novelty of Facebook turns into the overwhelming task of keeping up with people you barely know and have not thought of in twenty seven years. So you ignore all Facebook messages but worry you might be hurting someone’s feelings. Then you get over it because you are too tired to care.
   
6. Being too busy for TV means you get to watch an entire season of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles all at once. No commercials. No cliffhangers with a pesky seven day waiting period for resolution. Awesome.
   
7. Laundry does not wash itself.
   
8. You realize, much to your surprise, you have not had an alcoholic beverage in months. MONTHS! Then you do, and discover you have reverted to lightweight status and must begin the daunting task of building up your tolerance all over again.
   
9. You weigh the cost of having no free time for four months against the extra $500 a month you will have now that you have paid off your car loan with tax season overtime money. You decide it was worth it.
   
10. Many individuals can efile their federal taxes for free yet choose to hire an accountant instead, then complain about how expensive we are. An unfortunate, yet enduring, phenomenon.
    

 

Technorati Tags: terminator,sarah conner,tax follies,tax season,10 things

Away Message

Hello. I’m sorry I can’t come to the blog right now. I am either:

A) Trapped under something heavy and cannot reach the keyboard,

B) Digging in the dirt and wondering why I did not discover this gardening thing years ago,

C) Trying to hide from the eleventy billion Facebook friend confirmation requests I received in the last week  (and wondering how this is possible considering I do not have a Facebook account),

D) Banging my head against my desk at work counting the days until April 15th Freedom Day, or

E) Sleeping.

Ha! That last one. So funny.

Okay people, I just joined Facebook against my better judgment. Because you begged.

I have been assimilated.

 

Technorati Tags: tax follies,facebook

Who gets done first?

No dead animals or insects yet, but tax season is young. I have not seen many individual returns so far, which is where I usually find such presents. Instead, I have been mired in corporations, S corporations, partnerships, and LLC’s.

In theory, you would think corporations go to the front of the preparation list since they are due March fifteenth, one whole month before partnership and individual returns.

In practice, partnerships come first. Why? Because all those partners want their K-1’s NOW so they can report their partnership earnings on their income tax returns.

Unless you are the parent of a college bound student who needs your individual tax return done just as soon as humanly possible for your kid’s FASFA application, in which case YOU get your return done first, even though many other people sent in their information before you did. Big Kahuna says jump, I say how high.

But I can secretly loathe you and your line-jumping ways, oh yes I can.

 

Technorati Tags: tax follies

10 Things Not to Send Your Accountant at Tax Time

Do you toss all of your tax information in to a grocery bag and deliver it to your accountant, happy to be rid of it? Do you later wonder why you cannot find your PG&E bill?

Each tax season, I receive an amazing array of stuff not even remotely related to income taxes from clients:

1. Unopened mail. If it is clearly a W-2 or 1099, then fine, be lazy and do not open the envelope. At least I know I need those documents. It is the PG&E bills, investment fund prospectus booklets, and other non-tax related mail I can really do without.
    
2. Magazines. I already get the AAA travel magazine and I do not knit so please dig through that pile o’ stuff you are about to send me and remove any magazines. The only magazine I need from you is the one with your picture on the cover proclaiming you the luckiest slob on the planet. That way I will know to ask you how much money you actually won when I do not find a W2-G from the casino among your documents.
    
3. Coupons. If you must include these, please make sure they are within the expiration date and not for dog food, baby food, or feminine hygiene products. I do not own a dog, children make me nervous, and I already smell like roses. Bonus points for accidentally dropping in that gift certificate to Lowes or Coldwater Creek Grandma gave you last year.
    
4. Mutual fund prospectus booklets. I mentioned this at #1 in unopened mail format. Please note that once you open it and identify it as a prospectus, I still don’t need it. A prospectus is a brochure extolling the virtues of your current mutual fund or perhaps a new fund in which someone wants you to invest. Either way, there is no tax information in these booklets. They take up a lot of space, junk up the snail-mail system, and no one. ever. reads them. I suggest you opt out of receiving them at your broker’s website.
    
5. Hair paraphernalia. Scrunchies, barrettes, bobby pins, combs, the occasional chapstick. That last one is not an actual hair item but I get enough of them I thought I would include it here rather than create a new category.
    
6. Unsorted documents in a shoe box, grocery bag, or produce crate. If you want me to sort and summarize your tax information for you, that is perfectly fine. I do that for many clients. Please understand, however, that service is in addition to the base fee for preparation of your income tax returns. That means it will cost more so do not pretend to be surprised and outraged when you get your bill. I will merely stand there covered in paper cuts expressing no sympathy for you.
    
7. Our Company newsletter and tax appointment reminder letter. Okay, I get it: you do not read your mail. Or you only scan your mail and toss anything with the word “tax” in it in to the pile o’ stuff to send me at year-end. Tip: something coming FROM me about taxes that does not have a signature area is not something I need back. If it does have a signature area, it is either your tax organizer (to be filled out with your current year’s tax information) or the current year engagement letter. If you must send me back our newsletter and tax appointment reminder letter, please also include a completed tax organizer and signed engagement letter. If you do not, I will know you are toying with me. And I will remember when billing rolls around.
    
8. Children. No one has actually sent me children through the mail along with their tax info but they have brought children with them to their tax appointment. Unless you can guarantee your child will sit quietly for the entire hour, this is a problem. Thankfully, we have a contingency plan that involves a plasma TV, a VCR, and many children’s videos in the conference room. But still, do leave the children at home, won’t you? It is only for an hour and you could probably use the break.
    
9. Cell phones. I do not take telephone calls when I am in conference with you about your income taxes so I expect the same from you. I make an exception for parents who, in accordance with #8, have left the children at home alone, but the conversation had better involve gushing blood or missing limbs, not simply the location of the latest Pixar DVD or who stole whose hairbrush.
    
10. Dead things. This one goes hand in hand with #6. If you must bring me a bag, box or crate into which you have dumped your documents, please dump them all out before your visit, wipe out the inside of the container, then put them back in one by one, making sure there are no dead spiders or rodents (or pieces thereof) attached. Live ones are worse so please check for those as well. Wiping the dust, dirt and grime off of your paperwork as you put it back in to the container would be nice, too.

Okay people, you are all set for tax season. Let the writhing and gnashing of teeth begin!

Technorati Tags: tax follies,10 things not to send your accountant or tax preparer

Bookkeeping Tip

I may have mentioned this before. It came up again this week with not one but two clients. The issue is this: if you have your own business, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT COMINGLE YOUR BUSINESS FUNDS WITH YOUR PERSONAL FUNDS.

If you are hyper-organized and keep everything on Quickbooks and properly categorize it between business and personal and give me the file whenever I need it so I can dig around at the detail and fix the things you did wrong (face it, you are not a bookkeeper – that is what you have me for), that may be okay. I am still going to grumble because I have to CHECK to be sure you properly segregated your business expenses.

If, on the other hand, you have a separate bank account so you can give me a file that has business activity, only business activity, and nothing but business activity, my life is much easier. Your life is, too, as a matter of fact. You don’t have to be constantly vigilant about coding to the proper business versus personal category or class.

If cash flow is the issue and you need to use your personal funds to supplement your business because you do not have enough cash to pay bills this month, simply loan your business account money from your personal account. Pay yourself back from the business account when cash becomes available.

Simple. Easy. Separate.

DEAR GOD WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND?

Imagine, now, that your business is a big corporation with lots of real estate transactions. Imagine further that you decide to start a new corporation to handle your real estate transactions in a state that has no income tax. Rather than open a new bank account for that COMPLETELY SEPARATE CORPORATE ENTITY, just pay everything out of the main corporation. Set up classes for the new corporate activity so you can easily segregate the activity from the main corporation but only use the classes sometimes, when you feel like it, which is only about half the time. The rest of the time, let them post automatically as "Unclassified” along with a bunch of main corporate activity, with no way to distinguish which entity they belong in.

Oh, and be helpful by setting up a separate Quickbooks file for the new corporation and set up balances in a bunch of accounts but do not set up beginning balances from last year’s tax return. Instead, include some of those beginning balances in a big journal entry along with some current year activity, but do not record ALL of the beginning balances or current year activity in the new corporation. Only record some of it and lump it all together so it is impossible to distinguish what is what.

And do not remove the corresponding activity from the main corporation books by posting is to a “due from new corporation” account. Leave it buried in asset, loan, expense, and income accounts over there. Your accountant will be able to figure it out from the supporting documents you send her.

But then don’t send her any supporting documents and, when she asks, only send her some of them.

Include support for transactions from the prior fiscal year that you “forgot” to tell her about last year.

Think this is funny.

Wonder later who could possibly have left the bag of flaming dog poo on your porch.

 

Technorati Tags: tax follies,bookkeeping tip

Tax Follies Tuesday

Tomorrow is the final extension deadline for filing your 2007 personal income taxes.

Yeah, I am talking to you. You who have not yet provided your tax information to your accountant yet think there is still plenty of time to get it done.

You, small thinker, who do not factor in to your imaginary timeline all the other last-minute filers who also just dropped off their stuff.

Hm, who shall I work on first?

1. Impersonal Procrastinator Guy,
2. Flakey Florence O’Lakey, or
3. The Happy Harringtons.

Let me tell you a little bit about each of them first then you help me decide.

Impersonal Procrastinator Guy mails in his info the week before the final extension deadline. It consists of a stack of check stubs for the entire year (which were ready to send to me January 1st, after he wrote the last 2007 check), 1099’s and other statements he clearly received back in January, and nothing else. No personal note, no summary of the aforementioned check stubs (did I mention there were about 300 550 checks to enter and categorize?), no box of chocolates to acknowledge his trespass upon our good graces, and, most importantly, no payroll information for his one employee I need every year but always have to go back and request because he never provides it on the first go-round.

So I contact Impersonal Procrastinator Guy’s payroll dude, Old Cranky Guy, who ignores my email and first two phone calls but finally returns my third call -- the one where I say it would be such a shame if our mutual client received a penalty simply because I was unable to obtain his payroll information on time -- to say he cannot simply give me that information. When I remind him he has provided it to us every year for the past ten years or so he says, “Yes, but I had specific permission from the client to do so each time!” I hold the phone away from my ear as he spews this at great volume.

I want to ask him if he even bothered to consult the file to confirm he has provided this info to us in the past, as I indicated in my email and voice messages.

I want to ask him why he did not simply call the client for permission or call me back to say, sure, no problem, but please have the client call me to say it is okay first.

I want to ask him politely to sit on it and rotate.

Instead, I put a smile in my voice and tell him that is no problem because I contacted Helpful Hannah, Impersonal Procrastinator Guy’s assistant, that very morning to explain what I needed so she should be contacting him any minute to request the info herself.

Flaky Florence O’Lakey had a death in the family and was so discombobulated she could not get it together until now. This is very sad. This makes me want to do everything I can to get her returns done on time.

But wait, déjà vu? I check the file to discover she brings her info in at the last minute every year, even in years when everyone is perfectly healthy and alive. I suddenly feel less charitable. She does, however, apologize for her tardiness, acknowledge I may not be able to get it done on time, and thanks me profusely each year when I do.

The Happy Harringtons have a lot going on. They have their own businesses, a few rentals, some K-1 income, and various other tax things going on but nothing too complicated. The Happy Harringtons return my emails and phone calls promptly and laugh at how inept they are at bookkeeping, yet they are truly quite organized. The Happy Harringtons send homemade goodies every year at Christmas.

So what do you think? Who wins the tax preparation lottery?

Yeah, it’s kind of a no-brainer, isn’t it?

Technorati Tags: tax follies,tax return final extension deadline,individual income taxes,personal income taxes

Mr. FancyPants Goes to Meetin’

Friday I attended a one-hour webinar on a software product that will get us well on our way to a paperless office.

(We all know there is no such thing as a truly paperless office, but let them have their little fantasy for now.)

So I take the time and trouble to go to the website ahead of time to download and install the latest net-meeting software. I arrive early to the meeting to be sure I can log in without problem. I set up the projector in the conference room so my coworkers can attend the webinar with me. I call in ahead of time to be sure I have no audio problems.

As I sit there listening to the audio chatter from other participants who have neglected to mute their phone lines, one woman chimes up just as the speaker gets things rolling:

“My boss is running a few minutes late. Can you wait to start the meeting until he gets here?”

(!!!)

The nerve!

I wish the presenter had responded with:

“Sorry, no. I will not penalize the other participants, who were all able to show up on time, just because Mr. FancyPants could not get his shit together.”

Instead, she responded with something polite yet equally refusing. In the meantime, Mr. FancyPants showed up.

I am usually a proponent of asking for what you want because the worst they can do is say no, but I also know when it is not appropriate.

When saying yes results in a large group of people having to sit around and wait for you: not appropriate.

It must be nice to be the center of the universe.

 

Technorati Tags: tax follies

Will I or Won’t I?

I am contemplating obtaining a Masters degree in Taxation.

I am a CPA: accountant, tax preparer, bean counter, glorified bookkeeper, all around number cruncher. Several years ago, after working for a Big 4 accounting firm then later as Tax Manager at a national newspaper company, I decided I no longer wanted to be an accountant and left my job. Shortly thereafter, the company was bought out and everyone in my department lost their jobs.

A few years later I was back in tax at a global high-tech manufacturing company but soon switched departments to dabble in portal content management. I left the company altogether due to the chaos created by underfunding, undermanning, and underappreciating the portal team. Shortly thereafter, the company eliminated the department altogether and everyone lost their jobs.

*Trying to pretend I do not know what a Jonah is right now.*

I am now back at the small town public accounting firm I left over ten years ago to obtain broader tax experience in the big metropolis. It is like an old shoe, this firm: comfortable and warm and perhaps a bit boring. Hence the idea of obtaining my Masters degree to jazz things up a bit.

I emailed three of my friends who are high up the Tax food chain in both public companies and private accounting firms to ask about how a specific online course/University is respected, what they think of a potential new hire with a degree from this online U compared to a brick-and-mortar school, etc.

Two emailed back great info about the school’s reputation, the current scarcity of qualified people at certain tax levels, etc. The third called me the next day. I have condensed and paraphrased the conversation for your convenience:

Friend: WHY do you want to jump into a Masters degree program?
Me: I’m bored.
Friend: How old will you be when you finish?
Me: 50, including a few years of indentured servitude to my current employer if they opt to pay for the degree.
Friend: Um, WHY do you want to do this again?
Me: Think of it as really expensive CPE.*
Friend: Oh, well in that case, why not?

We are much alike, me and Friend. It was the right question to ask. Also factor in the fact that I only had one tax class in college. ONE. Yes, yes, I have had many CPE courses over the past twenty+ years and I have accumulated a vast amount of knowledge on the job, which is invaluable. BUT – and there is always a BUT – it feels slapdash and piecemeal. Tax is a fast moving business and the general attitude is “Go get your required CPE in the minimum possible amount of nonchargeable time and get your ass back here to bill bill bill and make the firm some money.” It is the nature of the business.

I have proposed weekly lunchtime CPE at the firm, where I teach classes on subjects ranging from simple Excel tips and tricks to more complicated tax subjects. The Masters course would give me fodder for the latter, which the partners themselves might be interested in. They are both incredibly smart but neither of them has a Masters degree in Tax, in fact I do not know of anyone in town who has one, so it could be fun for all.

Enrollment begins later this month for classes starting at the end of August. Decisions, decisions.

________________________________________________

*CPA licensing requirements demand a certain number of hours of Continuing Professional Education (CPE) each two-year licensing period. Costs start at about $100 for a self-study class on a simple subject earning a few hours of CPE and go up from there. Each 3-unit course at the online U approximates $2,500 but it does count for 45 hours of CPE.

Technorati Tags: masters in tax,why get a masters degree?

If I only get 3% again this year, somebody’s new tan will be hanging from my wall

The Kahunas are in Hawaii this week. Yes, Hawaii. At a “conference,” which just happens to coincide with their friends and loved ones also being over there. Things I heard before they left:

BIG KAHUNA: It’s my in-laws’ 50th wedding anniversary. They are paying for everyone’s flight and lodging. It just happens to be the same week as the conference.

BUFF KAHUNA: I am using frequent flier miles so our flights are free.

TRANSLATION: We are still broke from building this brand new office last year. At your review next week, try not to focus on our fabulous new tans when we tell you everyone is getting a measly 3% raise again this year regardless of how hard (or not) they worked.

Perhaps I should practice flaying skin from a fish this week. Just so I am ready.

Technorati Tags: annual review,raises