Guess which doctor I went to see today? Go on, guess.
I can’t believe they let people drive after having their eyes dilated. And I’m relatively young and healthy. Do they let the rickety old people drive themselves home with dilated eyes, too? SCARY.
I learned something new when discussing invisible cat hairs with my ophthalmologist today, and my method for retrieving them from my eyeball. Did you know your mouth has more bacteria than your butt?
Yeah, the hole you poop out of is cleaner than your mouth. I will never again wet a Q-Tip by sticking it in my mouth before swirling it around in my eye to catch an invisible cat hair. No, instead I will squirt sterile eye wash on the Q-Tip and try not to think about how, before, I was putting something grosser than poop in my eye.
And you people who pop your contact out and spit on it or stick it in your mouth to “clean” it, then pop it back in your eye? CUT IT OUT.
So here I sit, thanking my lucky stars I escaped a slow and horrible death from advanced stage eyepoopitis, yet still annoyed that I have a painful hangnail but cannot see well enough to dig it out with a sharp object.
Perhaps I’ll go run with scissors instead. Or take a Vicodin for the debilitating hangnail pain then go out and operate heavy machinery.