(Sung to the tune of The Brady Bunch)
Here’s a story, of a lovely lady,
Who was bring up two very lovely cats.
All of them were fine alone with just each other,
Except the mom was bats.
Here’s a story, of a lovely doctor,
Who was busy with a practice all her own.
She knew symptoms and the drugs you need to treat them,
And had a script pad all her own.
Till the one day when the lady met this doctor,
And they knew that it was much more than a hunch.
That this lady was depressed and needed Prozac.
That’s the way she soon became less of a grump.
Less of a grump, less of a grump.
That’s the way she soon became less of a grump.
I’d gotten so used to feeling crappy I didn’t realize how bad it was. I finally went to the doctor for my weird neck/shoulder/arm pain and mentioned oh, uh, by the way, I think about death a lot. Is that normal?
Now let’s get something straight: I was talking about death, NOT suicide. As a regular consultant of Dr. Google, I of course took a few online depression questionnaires only to discover they have a serious flaw. They all ask whether you have thoughts of death or suicide.
In one question.
Like it’s the same thing.
When you answer in the affirmative, they tell you to CALL THE SUICIDE HOTLINE IMMEDIATELY.
I never had thoughts of suicide. What I had were thoughts about how my mom is in her 80’s, my aunt died a few years ago, my cousin plus a good friend died a few years before that within a month of each other, and we’re all going to die one day. BUT I DON’T WANT TO DIE, WHY DO WE ALL HAVE TO DIE? Then I’d get sad and cry.
Another symptom was inappropriate anger. I am generally a cranky person anyway but everything pissed me off and I would seethe. Sometimes for days. You don’t want to do it my way? DIE BASTARD DIE!
Yeah. It was definitely time for medication.
I’ve been on it for 5 weeks now and it has made all the difference in the world. It takes the edge off. It’s like aspirin for your brain: it makes the symptoms go away but otherwise leaves you feeling normal. No head fuzziness. No tummy upset. Just a normal person with normal feelings and reactions.
You don’t want to do it my way? Well, bother. I am slightly annoyed but you’re an adult with a mind of your own and I’ll forget my annoyance in a few minutes. I’ll even dive into that project I’ve been putting off at work for months now with a new “I can do” attitude. “Ooh, a puzzle! I love puzzles!”
