So I’m sitting at my desk at work minding my own business when I feel something in my eye. This is not unusual, as I live with two cats and regularly retrieve invisible cat hairs from that area. Just that morning, I removed a giant eyelash from the very same eye.
Upon feeling said foreign object, I did nothing out of the ordinary, which means I licked my finger and smeared it all around in there. When that didn’t work, I wet a Q-tip and twirled it around on the surface of my eye trying to catch the assumed wayward hair.
I know those things are bad. I know one is never – ever – supposed to touch ones eyeball. I’m just saying I do that sort of thing ALL THE TIME and nothing untoward has ever happened. Only this time, the gods punished me.
Not only did they burst a blood vessel in my eye and leave me rolling around on the office floor screaming, “MY EYE! MY EYE!,” they also gave me a pimple right where you cannot possibly miss it.
Bastards.
Happy tax season, everybody. May stray cat hairs forever avoid your eyeballs.
