GetSheila

Hug Your Mom

My good friend G’s mother passed away yesterday. She was 92.

I met G’s mom when G, JennBo and I went to D.C. for some KPMG tax training. Was it really over ten years ago? Sheesh.

The best part of that trip was meeting G’s family: G’s very BIG, very ITALIAN family. Some were alarming, in a fun and nonthreatening way, of course. (Confirmed: G takes after his dad.) But overall the G clan was a warm and loving bunch.

I remember G’s mom as being in the kitchen, which is how I remember my grandmother and pretty much every woman in my family. So it felt like home. And meatballs. There was something about meatballs. Either she was making them or we were talking about them or several of us were eating them, perhaps all of the above. Meatballs and the making thereof have always been a mystery to me so it kind of stands out. That, and the search for a specific Yellow Cab, which we never did find. But that is a G’s Dad story for another day.

G sent me a message to hug my mom. I pass his words of wisdom on to you:

HUG YOUR MOM. NOW.

You are in my thoughts, G, along with your dad and the other G and D and A and all of your kooky and loving brothers and sisters. Much love, Sheila.

10 Things Not to Send Your Accountant at Tax Time

Do you toss all of your tax information in to a grocery bag and deliver it to your accountant, happy to be rid of it? Do you later wonder why you cannot find your PG&E bill?

Each tax season, I receive an amazing array of stuff not even remotely related to income taxes from clients:

1. Unopened mail. If it is clearly a W-2 or 1099, then fine, be lazy and do not open the envelope. At least I know I need those documents. It is the PG&E bills, investment fund prospectus booklets, and other non-tax related mail I can really do without.
    
2. Magazines. I already get the AAA travel magazine and I do not knit so please dig through that pile o’ stuff you are about to send me and remove any magazines. The only magazine I need from you is the one with your picture on the cover proclaiming you the luckiest slob on the planet. That way I will know to ask you how much money you actually won when I do not find a W2-G from the casino among your documents.
    
3. Coupons. If you must include these, please make sure they are within the expiration date and not for dog food, baby food, or feminine hygiene products. I do not own a dog, children make me nervous, and I already smell like roses. Bonus points for accidentally dropping in that gift certificate to Lowes or Coldwater Creek Grandma gave you last year.
    
4. Mutual fund prospectus booklets. I mentioned this at #1 in unopened mail format. Please note that once you open it and identify it as a prospectus, I still don’t need it. A prospectus is a brochure extolling the virtues of your current mutual fund or perhaps a new fund in which someone wants you to invest. Either way, there is no tax information in these booklets. They take up a lot of space, junk up the snail-mail system, and no one. ever. reads them. I suggest you opt out of receiving them at your broker’s website.
    
5. Hair paraphernalia. Scrunchies, barrettes, bobby pins, combs, the occasional chapstick. That last one is not an actual hair item but I get enough of them I thought I would include it here rather than create a new category.
    
6. Unsorted documents in a shoe box, grocery bag, or produce crate. If you want me to sort and summarize your tax information for you, that is perfectly fine. I do that for many clients. Please understand, however, that service is in addition to the base fee for preparation of your income tax returns. That means it will cost more so do not pretend to be surprised and outraged when you get your bill. I will merely stand there covered in paper cuts expressing no sympathy for you.
    
7. Our Company newsletter and tax appointment reminder letter. Okay, I get it: you do not read your mail. Or you only scan your mail and toss anything with the word “tax” in it in to the pile o’ stuff to send me at year-end. Tip: something coming FROM me about taxes that does not have a signature area is not something I need back. If it does have a signature area, it is either your tax organizer (to be filled out with your current year’s tax information) or the current year engagement letter. If you must send me back our newsletter and tax appointment reminder letter, please also include a completed tax organizer and signed engagement letter. If you do not, I will know you are toying with me. And I will remember when billing rolls around.
    
8. Children. No one has actually sent me children through the mail along with their tax info but they have brought children with them to their tax appointment. Unless you can guarantee your child will sit quietly for the entire hour, this is a problem. Thankfully, we have a contingency plan that involves a plasma TV, a VCR, and many children’s videos in the conference room. But still, do leave the children at home, won’t you? It is only for an hour and you could probably use the break.
    
9. Cell phones. I do not take telephone calls when I am in conference with you about your income taxes so I expect the same from you. I make an exception for parents who, in accordance with #8, have left the children at home alone, but the conversation had better involve gushing blood or missing limbs, not simply the location of the latest Pixar DVD or who stole whose hairbrush.
    
10. Dead things. This one goes hand in hand with #6. If you must bring me a bag, box or crate into which you have dumped your documents, please dump them all out before your visit, wipe out the inside of the container, then put them back in one by one, making sure there are no dead spiders or rodents (or pieces thereof) attached. Live ones are worse so please check for those as well. Wiping the dust, dirt and grime off of your paperwork as you put it back in to the container would be nice, too.

Okay people, you are all set for tax season. Let the writhing and gnashing of teeth begin!

Technorati Tags: tax follies,10 things not to send your accountant or tax preparer

Sziraki Saga Continues

Background post: former Atwater High songleader arrested for embezzlement

Steve Sziraki was in court to beg for leniency and ask for Kim’s release on the grounds she is not a flight risk.

He cried.

He came to court on crutches (good sympathy vote strategy.)

He said Kim has been seeing a psychologist for two years and needs her prescription meds.

1. Do they deny people of needed medication in jail? Really? I had no idea.
2. Is this groundwork for some sort of “Kim is mentally unstable hence not responsible for her actions” defense? Because if so, I may vomit.

The take-away from the article (Sun-Star moved the story and broke the link!), and do try to get past the lead sentence, won’t you? – is this quote from Steve Sziraki:

"I'm not defending what she's done," he said, "but she's a good person."

So for everyone out there who said to wait for the courts to decide if she is really guilty and to give the girl a break because maybe she didn’t really do it, well, there you go. Straight from the husband’s mouth.

 

Technorati Tags: kim walker,kim sziraki,merced embezzlement,atwater high songleader hall of shame

How to install a sink tip-out tray

Clearly I need to post something to take your mind off the Atwater Embezzlistas. How about sink tray installation instructions? That will lull you into submission. Step-by-step instructions at the end of this post.

When I took my kitchen cabinets apart to paint them, I discovered the sink front panel was merely stapled to the cabinet frame. Stapled! I had to remove it to make painting both it and the frame easier so I decided to convert it to a tip-out tray.

I bought a $12 conversion kit at Lowes on sale. The regular price is $15.47 and I have seen them online for $23.99 for the same exact kit. Of course, you can also buy nicer stainless steel trays, better hinges, a full tray instead of two small trays if your opening is not divided like mine, etc. As with remodeling, the options are endless.

My kit came with two plastic trays: an “accessory” tray to hold rings and soap (note the little volcano on the left on which to slide your rings):

And a plain tray:

I use both to hold sponges and scrub brushes.

The kit will come with installation instructions and templates for drilling your hardware screw holes. Some of the instructions are ass-backwards, though, because they call for you to screw things in at an angle where you cannot possibly get your screw driver unless you have a shorty or a bendy ratcheting one.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Trace your opening. BEFORE REMOVING THE SINK FRONT PANEL, take a pencil and trace the outline of your openings on the inside of the panel. This makes aligning the trays to fit the openings easy once you have the panel off. Translation: no measuring.
    
2. Remove and refinish the panel. Remove the sink front panel and paint or stain the inside, as necessary. You may need to do the same to the frame. Since the panel was designed to sit there and never open, these areas are often left unfinished.
   
   Note: your pencil markings at step 1 will be for naught if you then paint over them so either create a template from your markings or retrace them after you refinish the inside of the panel. For the latter, get a helper to hold the panel in place while you trace from the inside or use clamps to keep the panel from moving around.
    
3. Attach the tray hardware. Align the trays in the traced areas on the back of the panel and mark your screw holes. Remove the trays, pre-drill the holes, and attach the screws. Leave enough room between the screw head and the panel so you can easily attach the trays and later remove them for cleaning. Do not attach the trays yet. That will come last.
    
4. Attach the hinges. Using the template provided with your kit, mark and drill the holes for the hinges on both the back of the panel and the cabinet frame. Here is what the hinges look like when everything is together. (Just remember the trays will not be attached yet at this step so they will not be in your way.)
   
   
   
   Scroll down at this site to see an optional hinge you may want to buy separately if you don't like the ones that come with your kit.
   
   Attach the hinges first to the panel, then to the sides of the frame. Do the panel first because it is an odd angle to work with if you first attach the panel to the frame. It can be done but a normal screwdriver will not fit because the sink is in the way.
   
   Next, it is a little tricky attaching the hinges to the frame because 1) they are now attached to the panel, which limits your range of motion, and 2) they try to close on you if you bump the panel. It can be done alone but it is easier if you have a helper to hold the panel in place.
    
5. Attach a new handle. Now that your sink front panel will open and close, you will need a handle to make that happen unless your cabinet doors are of the style that opens without handles. Drill the holes for your new hardware and attach it now.
    
6. Attach the trays. Slide the trays on to the screws you attached at Step 3 and you are done.

VOILA!

See the picture at the beginning of this post for what it looks like open.

I am not crazy about the knobs I used - I would rather have a long bar-style handle - but it was what I had on hand. I have to replace them one day anyway because, erm, I measured wrong so they are not symmetrical.

A project for another day. For now, I don't even notice the asymmetry anymore. It is called HIPB - Home Improvement Project Burnout - pronounced "HIP-bee" and characterized by bouts of lying on the sofa with the TV remote mumbling things like "I just don't care anymore" and "No one will even notice" followed by the ingestion of copious amounts of crispy fried things.

Good luck, you home improvement groupies.

Technorati Tags: home improvement,kitchen cabinets,how to install a sink tip-out tray

Atwater High Songleader Hall of Shame

FORMER SONGLEADER CONVICTED OF EMBEZZLEMENT.

That’s right people, I personally know not one but two women who have been convicted of embezzlement in Merced County. They were both Songleaders at Atwater High School the same time I was.

The latest is Kim Sziraki (nee Walker), who embezzled $832,000 from a local nut processing plant. The ironic part? Her Sheriff husband heads up the local STAR team (think SWAT for Sheriffs.)

Here she is back in high school. Doesn’t she look sweet?

Don’t let that sweet smile fool you. That bitch was evil. I was napping on the bus on the way home from a competition once and she thought it would be funny to pour the dusty contents of a Pixie Stick in my ear as I lay there on my side.

IN MY EAR. She and Charlotte Martin thought it was hilarious. Mrs. Dallas, the Cheer advisor, didn’t do a thing in punishment other than make her sit somewhere else for the rest of the trip home while I tried to get the Pixie dust out of my ear canal.

Here is the former 1980-81 Songleader now:

What a difference 26 years makes.

The other embezzlista I know is Terry Laudate (nee Brady) who stole money and clothing from a local boutique a few years back. She claimed it was all a big misunderstanding when she was busted. She served her jail time and now works at a local mattress store.

Terry graduated in 1980 and was one of the most popular girls at school. Back then, it was the fashion to wear your mascara thick and clumpy like hairy spider legs and Tammy Faye Bakker.

At cheerleading camp, the rest of us spent most of our free time plotting to get a photo of Terry Brady and Toni Mancebo without makeup.

Never happened. They slept in their makeup to make it so.

What is it that gives some people a sense of entitlement? Why did these women not outgrow the childish behavior of wanting what they want and wanting it NOW like the rest of us did?

Of course, I do still have that attitude, quite often actually, but I don’t act on it. At least not with other people’s money. I spend my own money and get into my own debt and work my own butt off to pay for it all.

I don’t get the embezzlement thing. It makes me feel icky just thinking about it.

There have been a lot of cheer- and songleaders at Atwater High School, most of which go on to lead normal, productive lives.

Please don’t hold these two morons against us.

Technorati Tags: kim walker,kim sziraki,merced embezzlement,atwater high songleader arrested

I (thumps chest) have made Kitchen!

Finally, the kitchen is done. Well, for now. You know how I like to shake things up every few months. Here are links to:

1. The photos on Flickr, and
2. A slideshow on Flickr (you may want to play it backwards to see the “before” photos first)

But these two photos really say it all:

BEFORE

AFTER

Do excuse the boob light hanging from the ceiling. It is not my favorite but it is functional and goes with the silver (as opposed to gold) theme.

Click on each picture to jump over to Flickr to see it bigger and in better focus. (Click on All Sizes once you get there to see it Really Big.)

Details I love that you may not even even notice:

1. Converted the sink front into a tip-out tray to hold sponges and things;
2. Repositioned the lazy susan door up half an inch so the gap at the top is not so large and noticeable;
3. Added baseboards;
4. Changed out the sink light fixture for something more modern;
5. Replaced the yellow-beige outlets and switches with white ones;
6. Used white hinges rather than brushed nickel so they would disappear and not be noticed;
7. Added a window covering so I can walk around naked without fear of the back neighbors seeing me. You know, if I wanted to.

I cannot believe I lived with those crappy cabinets for OVER A YEAR. It was a huge undertaking and I picked a bad time of year weather-wise to do it, but I am quite happy I did it. I love my kitchen now.

Next up: find a tasteful kitchen cart to replace the table holding the microwave. Something at counter height that will provide storage yet blend with the rest of the kitchen.

 

Technorati Tags: kitchen cabinets,refinish kitchen cabinets,home improvement

I am addicted to crack

CrackBERRY that is. I finally broke down and bought a new cell phone. I knew I had kept my Motorola V551 past the two year renewal date but I did not realize how far past until I pulled my phone out at the AT&T store and people started laughing.

So rude.

It had been almost four years, apparently. Here is a photo of my new BB 9000 Bold next to my Motorola V551, god rest its obsolete soul.

I tried the LG Vu a few months ago because I wanted a touch screen but have an unnatural fear and distrust of Apple so could not bring myself to get an iPhone. I returned the Vu within the thirty day window, though, because I just wasn’t crazy about it. Did you know you can use your new cell phone for thirty whole days and return it free and clear if you simply don’t like it? I had no idea until the sales girl told me. Most convenient.

(Do keep your old cell phone around in case you decide to return the new one and run into a snag like I did. What the sales girl did NOT tell me was it takes between two and seven days to reverse the two year contract you committed to when you bought the phone you are now returning. That means you cannot turn around that same day and buy a new phone at a reduced price because the system still thinks you have two years (minus thirty days) to go on your contract. At least that is how it works when you buy your phone at an “AT&T Authorized” dealer like Parrot Cellular. Just an FYI.)

This time out it was between the iPhone (it is best to face your fears) and the Blackberry and it all came down to texting. iPhone sucketh for texting.

Sure the iPhone has a cool UI and you can move things around with your finger on the touch screen and the screen is way big and automatically converts to landscape when viewing the Internet and videos, but the keyboard is also controlled by touch. Translation: no keys to press.

On the LG Vu, the touch screen was pressure sensitive so I could use the edge of my finger nails to tap the touch screen keys. A stylus would work, too. The iPhone, on the other hand, is only sensitive to touch. That means you have to get your fat and fleshy finger positioned exactly over the right letter before you touch the screen. That virtual keyboard is tiny, man. I tried it out in the store for quite some time and never got the hang of it. Even the AT&T rep at the store, who has an iPhone and loves it, says he still hits wrong keys all the time and doesn’t use his iPhone much for texting.

Hello? A phone that sucks for texting in this world of texting and IMing and Twittering and sending email from your phone? That sealed the deal for me.

A few pros and cons about each phone from my perspective:

iPhone

Pros:

• Good browser
• Bigger screen
• Touch screen is cool and fun
• Automatically converts the screen to landscape when you turn the phone on its side

Cons:

• Texting is difficult due to the small keys on the sensitive touch screen and no option for using a stylus or your fingernail
• Landscape feature only work on some applications. It does not work when texting, so you cannot convert to landscape to try to get a bigger keyboard so you don’t make so many touch errors.

Blackberry 9000 Bold

Pros:

• Better email application
• Better screen resolution, though smaller than the iPhone
• Voice dialing
• Camera & video
• Keyboard for texting works like a dream
• 1G on board memory, expandable with microSD memory card slot
• Can sync with your PC or laptop’s calendar, contacts, tasks, etc.
• I am already addicted to the games that came with the phone. Perhaps I should list this as a “con.”

Cons:

• Smaller screen than the iPhone (but it is very clear and still of good size)
• Bigger than my old phone (though it still fits in the phone pocket of my purse)

The iPhone blog has a nine minute video comparing the two phones dated back in May. I found it helpful to a certain extent, except for the part where they don’t even mention texting much less compare that feature. Probably because the Texting War has been in full swing for some time now and Apple is losing (though they claim they are not.)

What cell phone do you use? Do you like it or do you love it? Are you synced to your email and contacts? Play any games? I need to load up my phone with fun applications. Any suggestions?

 

Technorati Tags: iphone vs blackberry bold,crackberry,texting war,cell phone