GetSheila

Me and my stupid ideas

I decided to paint my kitchen cabinets this weekend. Great idea, I thought. Three solid days after Thanksgiving in which to get the job done.

FRIDAY: I emptied the contents, removed the doors, and removed the old hinges from the doors. Since I am painting the cabinets white and the hinges are currently a disgustingly dirty dark color that I think used to be copper, I will replace them with shiny new white hinges.

SATURDAY: I scrubbed the doors with TSP (kitchen grease accumulated at the bottom of doors is guh-ross,) then sanded them a bit where the old paint sloughed off to reveal the original finish. I worried that I should sand them all the way down when I saw that. I bought a good shellac-based super-duper bonding primer instead. I may live to regret it. Hopefully I will have enough money to renovate my kitchen by then.

SUNDAY: I woke early – like 5:00 am - for unpleasant reasons after having ordered the pizza for dinner Saturday night. I proceeded to go back to bed “for just a few minutes” and did not wake up until 11:00. Bugger! I only primed the back of the doors yesterday so I still have to prime the fronts and edges, finish scrubbing the gunk off the cabinet exteriors, prime the cabinet exteriors, then paint everything with the real paint at least two coats worth, which takes 4 hours to dry between coats.

It is really depressing when you need help on a project but only have one friend to call and she is out riding her motorcycle on a fine day like today.

Why don’t you people live closer!

 

Technorati Tags: home improvement,painting cabinets,kitchen cabinets,I am woman hear me roar

Turducken Report: God Rest Its Schizophrenic Soul

I am fairly certain you don’t really give a crap what I am thankful for, so I will spare you my list of 10 Things I Am Thankful For this Thanksgiving.

Except to say, “You.” I am thankful for you. God how you people crack me up. If I did not have you to vent my frustrations all over, I would probably buy a gun.

(Though I have been thinking of taking shooting lessons for some time now. One stagnates unless one keeps learning new skills, dontchaknow.)

But about the Thanksgiving Turducken:

• We ate it;
• We liked it;
• We unanimously concur we never have to do it again.

The turkey was the best damn turkey I have ever eaten: very moist and tasty. The duck was, er, very ducky, and I don’t mean in an endearing British sort of way. We didn’t find the chicken until we were parceling out the leftovers after the meal.

Rather than layering each bird – first turkey, then duck, then chicken - this one had turkey on the bottom with duck on one side of the second layer and chicken on the other. Stuffing was in all the open spaces, which was problematic because it all fell out the bottom when I picked up the Frankenbird to move it to a platter.

Now I understand why you are supposed to let meat rest after cooking. I was totally planning to let it rest for fifteen minutes. I just planned to do it on a platter rather than in the pan. NO ONE TOLD ME “REST” MEANS “DO NOT MOVE.” Or at least no one told me ahead of time. They were all quite happy to tell me so once the soggy stuffing was laying all over the counter. Bitches.

I thought “rest” just meant “do not cut” until the juices have a chance to get absorbed back into the meat. I am pretty sure that is exactly what it means but, when faced with a meat product stuffed with something else with virtually nothing between said stuffing and a paper-thin layer of skin, I shall in future let the damn thing have a nap to firm up so it does not drop out the bottom in a sodden mess.

In the meantime, I will search my possessions for my “How to be a perfect cook” handbook with accompanying pearls, pumps, and apron so I can brush up on my Suzie Homemaker skills. I hope the cologne that smells like chocolate chip cookies baking is still in the apron pocket where I left it.

 

Technorati Tags: thanksgiving 2008,turducken

Not Your Usual Kid

Have you notice how everyone who writes about their child claims he or she “is not your usual kid?”

Every. Single. One.

Some of these children are brilliant: intelligent beyond their years. Others are moody, throw tantrums, cannot possibly entertain themselves unless someone else tells them what to do or, the opposite, seclude themselves in their rooms and play all alone for hours. Still others are unusually precocious.

Aside from children whose odd behavior manifests an unusual medical condition, frankly they all sound normal to me.

It makes me wonder what people think a “usual kid” is like.

I bet you were not your usual kid, were you? How freaky unique were you? Do tell.

 

Technorati Tags: kids

Bull in a china shop

Had you been at the Fresno Cost Plus World Market this weekend, you would have heard a spectacular crash coming from the glassware area.

It went on and on and on, then someone started clapping and cheering like they do at restaurants when the waiter drops a tray full of dishes.

I am surprised I have not witnessed this sort of catastrophe before. Cost Plus stacks box upon box of glassware in the aisles, then displays a sample of the glasses right on top of the box. I checked out the one that went down this weekend and it was seven boxes high, each holding 6 champagne flutes. The tower was very Dr. Seuss with the glasses perched like Yertle the Turtle atop a turtle tower.

Everyone who shops at Cost Plus knows about these hazards. The idiot who knocked it over was clearly not paying attention, probably trying to unfurl a table runner and backed into it or something.

Day dreamer.

Preoccupied moron.

Careless fool.

Oh wait, it was me.

So have you ever destroyed a store display in the name of shopping? Do tell.

Technorati Tags: adventures in shopping,cost plus world market,store display disasters

The Turducken Has Landed

The Turducken is here! The Turducken is here!

It arrived last night from Cajun Grocer in a hermetically sealed pouch, inside a box, surrounded by dry ice packets, inside a Styrofoam container. It is quite spacey and moon landing-ish.

I opted to get my turducken from Cajon Grocer for two reasons:

1. It was recommended by my sister’s friend, the GoTo Guy when it comes to strange foods and cooking methods, and
2. It came by mail, so my sis did not have to make a trip to The Meat Market on one of busiest meat-shopping day of the year.

Also, GoTo Guy says The Meat Market does not make their turduckens on-site, even though the video makes it seem like they do. Is his information reliable? No idea, but watching the video where the demonstrator handled everything with bare hands - back and forth between seasoning containers, stuffing, and raw poultry - made me a little queasy.

Cajun Grocer has many turduckens to choose from and a plethora of side dishes, including crawfish dressing and New Orleans style bread pudding. I opted for plain old cornbread stuffing. Having turducken instead of regular turkey is as adventurous as I am prepared to get this year.

Cooking time is 4.5 to 5 hours. Gah! I need one of those refrigerator-ovens that keeps your food cool all day (or night) then turns itself on at an appointed time and cooks your food while you are still at work (or sleeping.) You can even change the programming by phone or Internet if something interferes with your original cooking schedule.

It’s only $5,895.00.

Well, since I will be up early on Thanksgiving shoving the turducken into my non-programmable oven, perhaps I will hop on the treadmill and get a little exercise before everyone gets here.

*crickets*

What. It could happen.

 

Technorati Tags: thanksgiving 2008,turducken,cajun grocer

Oh Vicodin, how you let me down

Last week, I had a cracked tooth, a cavity, an annoying bump on the inside of my cheek I would inadvertently bite down on every other meal, and a less than efficiently running car.

This week, I have a temporary crown, a filling, a hole in my cheek where the annoyance used to be, and a healthy car.

And a big VISA bill.

My credit card balance has been hovering around $2,000 since July. I used to pay the balance off every month but then my love affair with Tax Season ended. He ran off with that floozy Free Time and took my overtime cash flow with him. The bastard.

I am not sure which I resent more: having lots of free time with no money to spend, or lots of money with no free time in which to shop/travel/garden/renovate.

Or maybe it is having a dental reimbursement plan rather than real dental insurance. A dental reimbursement plan that covers up to $250 per year.

HA! Hahahahahahahahahah!

I do not know how much dental work $250/yr buys you where you live but here all you get are two cleanings a year plus x-rays. So if you need, say, a filling, you are on your own. And that funky bump on the inside of your cheek? That is dental too – not medical, hence not covered by your medical insurance - even though you have to go to an oral SURGEON to get it removed. Doesn’t surgeon=medical? Apparently not when it comes to insurance billing.

On a positive note, I got a new prescription for Vicodin out of it. Thank god, because I was running out of my old one from who knows how long ago and we all know expired medication is bad.

I dutifully took a pill as soon as I got home so it would kick in before the numbness wore off, then lay on the couch for two hours feeling nauseous. What the hell, Vicodin? You used to work just like a really strong aspirin, taking the pain away but leaving me clear headed and nausea-free. Tax Season and Free Time put you up to it, didn’t they.

They are such assholes.

 

Technorati Tags: dental work

Funny, I don’t FEEL royal

I have been crowned. Twice, in fact. What is it the old people say as they reflect on their life? “I wish I had taken better care of my teeth.”

I was first coronated about eight years ago in conjunction with a root canal. Fun! They were short handed that day so I had to sit all alone with with my mouth open for about twenty minutes because the tech installed metal measuring pins in the hole where my tooth used to be but got called away before she could actually take the measurements. I would have impaled my lower gums had I closed my mouth. The mile of rubber she previously attached as a barrier around the surrounding teeth left a nice trail for the drool to follow. Kind of like a mini Slip-and-Slide, only in winter with no actual sliders but someone left the hose on.

This week’s coronation was just a crown with no preliminary excavation of the tooth bed. The tooth was cracked, apparently. I had experienced no sensitivity in that area but they showed me x-rays to prove it.

As if I could actually read them.

I was a bit worried the numbing would not work or would wear off half way through the procedure, because I have heard dental horror stories from friends and family and, though it has never happened to me, it could happen, hence I must worry about it. But it didn’t. Thank god for audio books:

1. Concentrate on the big, scary sound of the drill as it grinds your tooth down to a nub, or
2. Listen to an old Robert B. Parker Spencer novel and try not to laugh out loud at the parts where he describes the clothing they wore in the 70’s?

I’ll take 70’s Reminiscing for two hundred, Alex. *Flash back to how awesomely cool I looked in extra-wide bell bottoms and a Star Wars T-shirt as I skated down the block on my stiff, pointy, blue, plastic skateboard from Sears with non-articulating wheels.*

Let us hope this temporary crown makes it through next week’s extended Thanksgiving noshing. (Ten working days to get the crown made? Seriously?)

No holiday brittle for me. How about crunchy Chex Mix? I will chew on the left side. Promise.

 

Technorati Tags: dentist,crown

Photo source

Fitblogging 2

It has been 41 days since I was last able to contact you. I have failed in my attempt to spur my host body into action. It bought new running shoes and walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill every day for two weeks in the beginning.

It even RAN on the treadmill. It never runs! Granted, it could only run for 60 seconds before gasping and wheezing and slowing back down to a walk for another 10 minutes before trying again, but still: it RAN.

It was eating better, too. Broccoli, salads, something called Quinoa. No more chocolate chip cookie dough for dinner.

Then poof, it stopped getting on the treadmill when it got home in the evening. The broccoli rotted in the cold storage device. Last night, it made chocolate chip cookies.

Clearly I need a new strategy. It read this post about activation energy today, where it learned to focus on the first step of a task, rather than the entire daunting venture, to get itself started. Once it gets started, it is often easier to finish the task than to stop.

I have used this strategy in the past to spur the host body into action, not realizing it was “activation energy.” It thought it was just a sly trick of its subconscious to get moving on something it did not want to do. For example:

Making the bed: I tell it all it has to do is put on the fitted sheet because that is the hard part, especially the last corner. It can wait to do the top sheet, pillow cases, and blankets later because it will be a simple thing to throw them on right before climbing into bed. It falls for it every time. It puts on the fitted sheet then decides to do the pillow cases because they sometimes take extra effort and it may be too tired to do it at bedtime. Throwing on the top sheet and blankets is so easy it feels silly not doing it right then so it will not have to deal with it later. (I win!)

Getting out of bed: I tell it all it has to do is get out of bed and have a cup of tea. It can go back to bed any time it wants to as long as it gets up now to feed the cats and have some tea. Once it is up and around, it never goes back to bed. (It is such a sucker!)

Putting away the clean laundry: I tell it all it has to do it is fold the towels and lay out the hanging clothes on the bed so they will not be wrinkled. It can put it all away later. It is so obsessive-compulsive, it cannot leave things like that knowing it will just have to finish the task later. It also knows cats are drawn to, and must lay upon, anything fabric, thereby distributing cat hair in an even layer upon every horizontal surface in the house. It does not like cat hair on its laundry so it always puts it away every time. (I find it quite easy to manipulate the obsessive-compulsive aspect of this personality.)

For exercise, perhaps I will try the suggestion of simply putting on the running shoes and attaching the MP3 player to its holder on the treadmill and see what happens next. It may work better if I remind it to first put an entree in the oven and broccoli in the steamer.

I know how it loves to multi-task.

 

Technorati Tags: fitblogging,fatblogging

How to pack a shoe box

I am contemplating participating in Operation Christmas Child this year.

Now I know what you are thinking: Sheila, Operation Christmas Child is run by Samaritan’s Purse, a religious organization. Hello? Since when do you support that sort of thing?

Yeah, well, I committed before I knew god was involved.

That is what I get for having a friend in Kiwanis, a service organization whose mission is to serve children of the world. I should have realized there was a god connection when they made us pray before the meal when I attended a lunch meeting as a guest.

My friend is also the advisor for the Key Club at the high school, unofficially known as the Kiwi’s.

The Kiwi's are participating in Operation Christmas Child so my friend had a bunch of Christmas colored shoe boxes in her office. When I asked what it was all about, she explained you determine whether your gift will be for a boy or a girl and choose an age range. You then fill your box with gifts for that age range, with or without a personal note so the child can write you back. She added boys age 10-14 always get the short shrift because most people find small children and girls easier to buy for.

How fun! I can shop for a boy age 10-14: Hacky sac, ball cap, harmonica, socks, flashlight, etc. They even provide a list of gift ideas.

But then I read the rest of the flyer:

Most importantly, pray for the child who will receive your gift.

Uh, okay, feeling a bit uncomfortable here but I can roll with that. Or maybe I should just pray and forget the whole ‘spending money on a complete stranger’ thing. You know, since praying is the most important part anyway.

Please donate $7 or more for each shoe box you prepare to help cover shipping and other project costs.

Oh! I did not realize I had to buy a bunch of gifts AND give money. When I mentioned this to my friend, she had no idea either and the Kiwi’s have been participating in this project for years. No one reads directions any more.

Operation Christmas Child brings joy and hope to children in desperate situations around the world through gift-filled shoe boxes and the Good News of God’s love. People of all ages can be involved in this simple, hands-on missions project while focusing on the true meaning of Christmas—Jesus Christ.

Oh dear. Then I decided to read some of the Inspirational Stories on the website and discovered the true mission of Operation Christmas Child is to convert people to Christianity.

I am so naive. I actually thought it was to bring joy to underprivileged children around the world. Period.

I cannot bring myself to participate at this point. Call me uncaring. Call me a religious bigot. Just don’t call me a crusader disguising my oppression of the belief systems of others in a shiny box of baubles.

 

Technorati Tags: christmas,operation christmas child mission,samaritan's purse

Why Aren't You Having Sex With Oprah?

Would you like to be on Oprah? Can you talk about how you are NOT having sex. And why? In front of a live studio audience and millions of viewers?

I was browsing Oprah.com looking for Kindle info and generally minding my own business when I saw this in the "Be on the Show" box:

Why aren't YOU having sex?

Who can resist clicking on that? Here are the questions you find at the link:

When was the last time you had sex? Was it months -- or even years ago? Maybe it was even in the 1990's? If you haven't had sex in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years -- tell us WHY... Do you feel like you just don't have the time? Are you too busy? Are you too tired? Not enough energy? Do you hate your body? Are you punishing your spouse by withholding sex? Do you hate sex? Is it not enjoyable? Do you no longer want it? Are you no longer interested in sex? If you aren't having sex... tell us why and how long you've felt this way. Are in you interested in having a more satisfying sex life? Do you want to learn how? Why or why not?

Go ahead. Click over to the online submission form. You know you want to be on TV. What, too embarrassing? Or perhaps you have an active sex life so this particular show has no relevance for you.

Don't tell me I am the only person in the world not having sex. That is so depressing.

_____________

Kindle note: Dudes, still way too expensive. How long do I have to wait before the price drops to $100?

Technorati Tags: be on oprah,not having sex,be on tv