Funny, I don’t FEEL royal

I have been crowned. Twice, in fact. What is it the old people say as they reflect on their life? “I wish I had taken better care of my teeth.”

I was first coronated about eight years ago in conjunction with a root canal. Fun! They were short handed that day so I had to sit all alone with with my mouth open for about twenty minutes because the tech installed metal measuring pins in the hole where my tooth used to be but got called away before she could actually take the measurements. I would have impaled my lower gums had I closed my mouth. The mile of rubber she previously attached as a barrier around the surrounding teeth left a nice trail for the drool to follow. Kind of like a mini Slip-and-Slide, only in winter with no actual sliders but someone left the hose on.

This week’s coronation was just a crown with no preliminary excavation of the tooth bed. The tooth was cracked, apparently. I had experienced no sensitivity in that area but they showed me x-rays to prove it.

As if I could actually read them.

I was a bit worried the numbing would not work or would wear off half way through the procedure, because I have heard dental horror stories from friends and family and, though it has never happened to me, it could happen, hence I must worry about it. But it didn’t. Thank god for audio books:

1. Concentrate on the big, scary sound of the drill as it grinds your tooth down to a nub, or
2. Listen to an old Robert B. Parker Spencer novel and try not to laugh out loud at the parts where he describes the clothing they wore in the 70’s?

I’ll take 70’s Reminiscing for two hundred, Alex. *Flash back to how awesomely cool I looked in extra-wide bell bottoms and a Star Wars T-shirt as I skated down the block on my stiff, pointy, blue, plastic skateboard from Sears with non-articulating wheels.*

Let us hope this temporary crown makes it through next week’s extended Thanksgiving noshing. (Ten working days to get the crown made? Seriously?)

No holiday brittle for me. How about crunchy Chex Mix? I will chew on the left side. Promise.

 

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Comments

[Jenn Bo]

About 8 years ago and then again 6 years ago I had root canal/crown treatments (treat is a terrible word for this because it sucked big time).

Seeing that it took twice for me to learn my lesson, when I find myself going a day or two without flossing, I think of that day where I lay on the chair in a semi-prone position listening to my doctor plan a golf outing for that afternoon - 15 minutes I sat with my mouth propped open with the jaw stretcher from hell.

My third crown was to replace a large filling that had cracked. I was super nervous that they would start going at the filling and "oops, there's the nerve; root canal for you!" However, this third crown was just a crown.

[Karen]

I have 14 crowns. Yes. FOURTEEN. Thank God Kathryn told me to demand Valium and Vicodin a few crowns ago. Take one of each an hour before you go. Even if it hurts, you don't care. The Valium relaxes you so it takes away the anticipation of pain, and the Vicodin of course helps knock any out. I will never again get any dental work (other than cleaning) without taking these meds.

[Roxanne]

ewwwwwwwwww you had to bring up dentistry!!
I have an appt tomorrow morning at 10 am for 5 count em 5 fillings..... NOT looking forward to that. Had 2 extractions a couple of weeks ago. You know my dentistry issues.. and before the end of the year I have to have 5 more extractions......... Living the life of a rock star here!! Diabetis isnt helping the smiles here hehehehe... but.. one little bit at a time I will overcome! :) I will be able to take some of my teeth out and admire them! hahah its hell getting old and falling apart... and why why WHY is dentistry to expensive? anyone?/

[Karen]

Dentistry is so expensive because not only do we have to pay for their education, building lease, state of the art equipment, and staff; we also have to pay for their 10,000 sq ft homes, vacation homes, BMWs, vacations in Costa Rica, their kids' college tuition, etc.

Another thing old people say is, "Just do it. Whatever it is you dream of, find a way to do it now. You don't know when your number will come up, and when you are bedridden or crippled the things you regret the most are the things you wanted to do but didn't."