JCW sent me a link to a Soap Opera Name Generator, which dubbed him Sebastian Astor and me Viv Howard. The following is what ensued.
| Dear Sebastian, I simply must know who does your dog. My little Beauregard is much too fluffy. Do tell. Love, Viv Howard P.S. Do you have a grey poupon? I seem to be out. |
| Darling Vivvy, Although retired, dearest Vidal comes over twice weekly to groom Muffy - when she's freshly done she looks just like a little Julie Christie. I tip Vidal $.50 and send him back to the retirement home. It's too sweet, really... Indeed, I just had a grey poupon this morning as I've been eating a great deal of fibre of late. Sadly, I flushed it. Do let me know in advance next time and I'll have Consuela fish it out for you. Kisses, Sebastian |
| Sebastian my sweet, So that is where Consuela ran off to, you naughty boy. I thought she left me for one of those young starlets who is always in the news. They do seem to go through staff like laxative through a supermodel. As for Vidal, goodness, I thought he died years ago! I just contacted the Fifteen More Minutes Retirement Home and Vidal says he can squeeze dear Beauregard in on Tuesdays. He piddled on the floor in his excitement! Beauregard is looking forward to it, too. Kiss kiss, Viv |
| Lovely Viv, Ran off to? My dear... insisting the poor woman don a Captain Kirk uniform and call you "Madame Star Bitch" whilst trying to scrub marble floors to a pristine shine would drive anybody away. Honestly, you left Consuela with little in the way of options. Speaking of supermodel diets, how is that new Stoli and smoked almond one going for you? Rumour has it that it causes gas... Sweet, senile Vidal. You must promise not to press him too hard. Although it is indeed true that if Beauregard doesn't look good, he doesn't look good, I'm afraid that Beau taking after his dear Mummy and all, there's only so much a ninety-five year man old can do. All love and affection, Sebastian |
| Dearest Sebastian, Consuela has not been completely truthful with you, my pet. It was a Captain Picard uniform and I required her to address me as “Sir.” Though when I first began the Stoli diet, it is possible I may have misjudged my meal portions and said or done things I do not recall. I did find an Orion slave girl costume in my closet around that time with no memory of how it got there. The marble floors information is accurate, I must admit. I do so like shiny things. Speaking of which, do keep an eye on that body glitter I know you like so much. Consuela is virtually an addict, dear. I promise to be quite gentle with dear, sweet Vidal. If he can resurrect your anorexic Muffy, he can do anything. I am so sorry to hear the studio passed you over yet again for that younger, hunkier actor of questionable sexual orientation. Someone so beautiful preferring women these days is quite a shock. Do keep your chin up, darling. I am sure there is a nice juicy role out there for you. Perhaps a misunderstood chauffeur or a tempestuous chef. Kiss kiss, Viv |
Do continue the dialogue in the comments with your own soap opera name, darlings.
