I have been trapped in this body for some time now. If you are reading this message, my efforts to spur the brain of my host organism into action have succeeded.
It thinks I am the collective unconscious, making suggestions on the road to self-actualization. I have cultivated this, though I made mistakes in the beginning. Berating the host has proven to be counterproductive to my cause. Phrases such as “Eat better!” “Exercise more!” “Put that cookie down you voracious cow!” produce only extended periods of lying on the sofa watching Bones reruns.
In sheer desperation, I tried “You are a work in progress.” It has turned out surprisingly motivational. The host measured various body parts and stepped on a weight measurement device for the first time in months, possibly years. Though despondent for several days, it has perked up and appears to be buying healthier foods. It even cooked once last week.
I do not know how I ended up here. I first thought I was a gay man trapped in a woman’s body, but then I realized no gay man would let his ass get this big.
I shall continue my efforts to free myself from this prison. I will contact you when I can. Keep the faith.
