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Hummingbirds Crack Me Up

Isn’t my new hummingbird feeder cute? It is so perky.

Random hummingbird facts:

1. Hummingbirds are very territorial. The only time I see more than one is when one is chasing a second one away. The chaser then stands sentry on the telephone wires high above the yard for a while before finally coming down to feed.
   
2. Hummingbirds often make a funny clicking noise when they fly around. To proclaim their territory, perhaps? It reminds me of how my cat goes out on the patio and yowls at every corner before settling down for a nap.
   
3. Hummingbird food recipe: 4 to 1, so 1/4 cup of sugar for every 1 cup of water. To make the perfect amount for my feeder, I microwave 3 cups of water in a 4-cup glass measuring cup, stir in 3/4 cup of sugar, then let it stand until it reaches room temperature before filling the feeder.
   
4. Contrary to popular opinion, hummingbird food does not have to be tinted red. In fact, some say it is bad for the little guys. As long as some part of the feeder is red or yellow, the hummingbirds will find it. Mine is quite popular, even if the hat is a tad crooked.
   
5. Feeders with perches tend to be more popular than those without. Guess they enjoy a little rest while having a snack.

I do not like birds much so why this fascination with hummingbirds?

Must be because they are so tiny.

 

Technorati Tags: yard and garden,how to make hummingbird food,hummingbirds,hummingbird feeder

Do you answer the door? Always?

My home is my castle, though perhaps cave is a better word. Castle implies formal surroundings where everyone dresses for dinner. In a cave, however, you would not be surprised to find people running around in their underwear and eating without utensils.

My home is my cave.

If I know you are coming over, I will put on a bra and clothing fit for public consumption. If you arrive unannounced, well, shame on you. Your punishment will be the indelible visual of a braless me wearing PJ’s or shorts and a tank top that leave nothing to the imagination. Sexy at twenty, perhaps, but just plain horrifying at forty three. Serves you right, home crasher.

Often I do not even answer the door. I tiptoe up to the peep hole to see if I recognize the invader. If not, I usually just tiptoe away. This was easier when I used the family room at the back of the house as my TV room. Now that I watch TV in the front room, I am more easily busted.

Today I slept late. The doorbell rang as I watched my Olympics recording and enjoyed my first cup of tea. I tiptoed to the peep hole anyway because sometimes I do not answer even if I know they know I am inside. If they are carrying a clipboard or otherwise look like they are selling something, I really do not care if they think I am rude. My personal space, my rules.

But today it was a trim, white haired lady who looked to be in her sixties, so I opened the door (tank dress PJ’s, unbrushed hair, and all.) Guess what she wanted? She was taking a survey of how people planned to vote on a ballot measure that makes it legal to discriminate against same-sex marriages in California.

No wait, that is not quite right: a ballot measure that promotes gay-bashing.

Dang, that is not it either: a ballot measure that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Yeah, that was it.

And by survey I mean find out if you were against it and try to convince you the error of your ways.

Silver-haired devil: Do you understand they would still have all the same rights as same-sex marriages?
Me: If that were true, then why do we need a ballot measure to legally define the difference?
Silver-haired devil: …
Me: Thanks for stopping by! (cheerfully, as I shut the door)

__________________________

That is what I get for answering the door.

So do you always answer your door? How about the telephone?

 

Technorati Tags: gay marriage,door busters,personal space

I hate bleach, and bleach hates me

My 1.42 gallon bottle of Clorox bleach tried to kill me yesterday. Or maybe it was user error. Either way, my saucy laundry rug paid the price. Behold:

What was once a cheerful partygoer is now a hung over coed wearing men's polka dotted boxers with no idea where they came from. She is so ashamed.

I tried to be so careful, too. To prevent drips, I poured the bleach first from the giant bottle into a measuring cup, then from the cup into the machine. Or at least that is how it was supposed to work.

But no, as I moved the plastic cup toward the dispenser, I accidentally slammed it into the side of the machine, thereby causing it to squish and squirt its contents up into the air. The following happened in slow motion:

1. I yelled, “CRAAAAAAAAAAP!”
   
2. Most of the eruption landed on my hand and white shirt as I jumped back to protect my favorite pair of denim capris from the onslaught.
   
3. The remainder rained down on my cheery fiesta rug and seemed to disappear.

Time sped back up to normal, only to stretch out interminably as I stared down at the rug waiting to witness the magic of bleach. Kinda like watching a Polaroid develop.

Some while later, I discovered my favorite pair of denim capris had not escaped unscathed. But don’t be sad, I kind of like the look. I may even add a few more sprinkles for extra pizzazz.

LESSONS LEARNED:

1. Wear white when handling bleach, no matter how careful and in control you think you are. Or go naked. Whichever.
   
2. Do not put a colorful rug in front of the washing machine.* Use something you will not care about, like that lovely grass rug the cat threw up on you could never quite get clean again.
   
3. Buy a smaller bottle of bleach (or learn to like gray towels)
   

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*Do feel free, however, to use a rug in front of the washing machine if it is located in the garage. Hat tip to G, in whose garage I first saw leftover carpet strips used as runners so one could access the freezer without having to sully one’s bare feet. Thanks for the idea, G!

 

Technorati Tags: bleach accident,laundry room tip

Church and The Giggles

It is not exactly appropriate to get the giggles in the midst of a Catholic funeral mass. I blame Eddie Izzard.

To understand how such a blasphemous thing could happen, you must first watch this video. It is 5:45 minutes long but, if you are pressed for time, let it fully load then watch the portion from 3:38 to 4:38.

G’head, I’ll wait. (Embedded video below)

Back? Okay, so I am dutifully listening to the sermon, where we get up and sit down and get up and kneel and get up again and I think I may actually lose some weight by the end of the service. As we stand, the priest says something about a hymn book and a specific page number.

And then.

They started.

To sing.

And that is why I cannot go back to St. Anthony’s Catholic Church in Atwater. Ever. Again.

Technorati Tags: singing in church,eddie izzard

I still do not understand religion

I attended a funeral mass in a local Catholic church yesterday. Amazingly, neither the walls caved in nor did spontaneous fires erupt as I walked through the doors. In respect for the deceased, no doubt.

My last trip to a holy house was about fifteen years ago. also for a funeral mass. This time I was less emotionally involved so I was able to really listen to the service.

Big mistake.

The part that caught my attention was when the priest talked about the flock and how, when one strays, you do not abandon the stray but rather make it first priority to get the stray back. I was with him at that point.

Next, however, he said strays are more important to God than the non-straying members of the flock. This was not only during the straying period but also once the wayward member returns to the flock.

I do not know about you, but if I was a member of the flock who had stayed faithful to God and never strayed in my beliefs, that would really piss me off.

I am unsure why this particular story was told. Perhaps I was not listening as closely as I thought but I do not remember any mention of the deceased straying from the church in the first place.

It is probably better I am not a member of an organized religion. I would ask too many questions and piss people off left and right. I already do enough of that at my day job.

 

 

Technorati Tags: catholic mass

Things I Did Not Know Existed One Short Week Ago

Michael Phelps. Last week: “Who is this Phelps guy in the AT&T TV ad?” Yesterday: “GO GO GO! OMG! YES! YES! YES!” as I jumped up and down on my couch and shared his reaction when Jason Lezak won the U.S. team the Gold in the 4x100 relay.

 

Synchronized Diving. How long has this been going on? I am mesmerized.

 

Chongqing’s 1000-stall outdoor public restroom. I have no words. Just follow the link and see for yourself. The second to last photo makes me feel naughty just for looking.

 

Technorati Tags: 2008 summer olympics,phelps,chongqing,1000 stall public restroom

Not So Comcastic

All I want to do is record the Olympics. Is that so much to ask?

Apparently it is, if you are Comcast Digital Cable. Each time I highlight the Olympics and hit the record button, my box takes one look at the 8 hours of recording time, says “Oh, I don’t think so,” and promptly turns itself off.

When I turn it back on, the online guide says, “Um, hi! Nice to see you. For your entertaining pleasure today, we think you will enjoy the program “TBA.” It is such a good show, we are featuring it on every channel!”

Fifteen minutes later, most programming comes back…except the channel showing the Olympics, of course. That one shows a few hours of programming and then the world ends. Or something.

************************

One hour interlude while I chat online with Comcast Support.

************************

They pinged my box and it works fine now. I can even set a series recording for the Olympics! The true test will be whether it still freezes up when I use the online Guide, only to catch up all at once after I have punched fifteen buttons in a row in frustration. Always entertaining.

Technorati Tags: comcast,dvr box problem

Cycle of Life, How Very Sucky

Sad news: JCW's mom died Wednesday morning after months bouncing back and forth between hospitals and convalescent homes.

JCW is a frequent commenter here who always makes me laugh with his outrageous sense of humor. He is also my friend from way back. How far back? Before cell phones...before the first home computer, even.

Shut up. That was not really very long ago, you know.

I owe Mrs. C an ode but I just do not have it in me this morning. I am great with odes to cats and people who humiliated me back in the sixth grade. When it comes to people with hurting families who live down the street, I worry I will say something stupid and make their pain even worse.

I love you John. Big hugs and kisses. Looking forward to the Life Celebration after the services, where we will toast your ma and I can find out what she was really like.

 

Technorati Tags: Clerkin,cycle of life,obituary

GFW – Girls Fun Weekend

GFW has been canceled due to lack of interest.

GFW is an annual event where a group of women get together at an exotic location for a weekend of eating, drinking, and being merry, with sleep thrown in somewhere just for good measure.

So far, “group” means three, “annual” means whenever the stars align in the form of our schedules and our finances, and “exotic” can be anything from Seattle to Las Vegas to my backyard jacuzzi. As long as we are together, we really do not care where we are. It is just nice to see each other and catch up.

This year’s location was to be at my house, since my gals had not yet visited my new digs and I have a jacuzzi. What more does one need?

Alas, SOMEONE went incommunicado the week before her scheduled arrival after telling me she would be traveling to one state then coming to my place early on perhaps Wednesday or Thursday. Beginning on Sunday, the email and voicemail messages I left on her cell phone, at work, and at home became increasingly frantic as the week progressed.

I was not REALLY worried. My friend is very reliable. My only concern was whether I needed to take off work to pick her up at the airport – which airport? – and whether I needed to reschedule my Friday afternoon beautification appointments.

She called Thursday evening around 6:00 to say she was not coming and was, in fact, back home two states away.

It did not occur to me until after we hung up that she must have known she was not coming weeks ago when she made her airline reservation. *grump*

She DID apologize for not communicating with me and I know she has an awful lot going on with both family issues and a job that has recently become substantially more complicated and stressful. But that is when you need your girlfriends most, yes?

All is well, my friend. I hope to see you soon. Don’t hate me for blogging about it.

Girlfriend #2 was, I think, secretly relieved the weekend was canceled. She just got back from a business trip on the other side of the country and no one likes to travel again so soon. Her work is busy and stressful right now, too, so I suspect she took the weekend to catch up. I think I will drive up to see her one weekend very soon.

As for me, I was quite productive with my newfound free time. I* changed out all my front sprinklers so the rotor ones actually, you know, rotate so ALL my grass gets water, not just the strip down the middle where I pointed the broken rotor head so at least some of the grass would get wet.

I also installed a wireless network at a friend’s house, set up a new computer system at my house, set up a second new computer system at my sister’s house an hour away, and began the laborious process of grooming my former computer to become my 80 year old mommy’s new best friend.

Not a wasted weekend at all.

Technorati Tags: staying connected

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*By “I,” of course I mean I stood and watched while my kind and helpful neighbor dug up the old heads and installed the new ones. But I did BUY the new heads and I ADJUSTED them to the correct distance and pattern. I got wet and muddy, too!