GetSheila

My Body Hates Me – Episode 357

My back hurts. Specifically, my lower back with a concentration on the right side. Lying down makes it worse. Sitting on a cushy chair or sofa is torture. Sitting on a firm chair, however, such as my desk chair at work, is not bad.

Hm, a health problem where lying down to rest is bad and sitting up to work is good. What crazy god came up with this one? The “if you cannot be out enjoying life because you are in too much pain you may as well be productive” god, clearly.

I have girlfriends coming in from out of town this weekend. Fit girlfriends. Healthy girlfriends. Girlfriends who exercise regularly. All I did was walk a little on the treadmill and do a few crunches and pushups so this Sunday, when the three of us get up and do yoga together before breakfast, I can truthfully say it is day seven of my new exercise lifestyle and not merely day one.

In all honestly, my back has been giving me grief for about a month now, ever since I installed all those fans and light fixtures. I may also have moved some heavy rocks around in my back yard back then. (What. It seemed like a good idea at the time.)

I have been popping 2 ibuprofen every 4 hours or so and it is not really helping. As I got my fix at midnight, I noticed the instructions said not to exceed 6 tablets in a 24 hour period. Oops. How many had I taken that day? What would happen if it was more than 6 tablets? Would my organs dissolve into a puddle of goo and leak out my belly button?

Trying to fall asleep while simultaneously in both physical pain and mental anguish: fun!

Discussion with my boss yesterday:

Big Kahuna: You need to exercise.

Me: Yeah, sounds easy, doesn’t it?

 

Technorati Tags: back pain,health issues,lack of exercise

Catastrophe!

A disaster of catastrophic proportions occurred at my house this morning.

My flat iron broke. *sob*

I thought perhaps it was a problem with the outlet, what with all the fun electrical problems I have been having lately, but no. The outlet works just fine. It is the god-like appliance without which I cannot function that has straightened its last wavy lock and gone to that big hair salon in the sky.

I cannot function with curly hair. Oh sure, sometime I wear it that way on purpose but only on days when I am too lazy to straighten it in the morning. Now I have to go buy a new flat iron. Do you have any idea how expensive those suckers are? And don't tell me to buy one of those $29.99 specials at Longs. They don't work worth a crap.

::sigh::

Maybe I'll get one this time that does not warn me to wash the lead off my hands after I touch the handle. Lead? To keep the handle cool? I have no idea. I did wonder when I read that how many people actually read the instructions that come with their various hair appliances. If you hear of a lead poisoning epidemic at your local salon, you will know why.

Dear Summer Cold: WTF?

Dear Summer Cold,

How long it has been since I have seen you. No offense, but you could have stayed away longer.

What brings you back my way? It cannot be the weather. Who would come to my 100 degree little valley on purpose? Really, why me?

Since your last visit, Nyquil has changed its bottle cap. You have me so befuddled, it took me 10 minutes to figure out the complicated new squeeze–and-twist opening maneuver.

As I wait for the Nyquil to kick in, would you mind explaining why you have chosen to settle in my right nostril, please? My right nostril and the back of my throat only?

And while we are on the subject, you have really got to stop with the massive nose tickling followed by a mere drop and a half of liquid when I blow my nose. Every three minutes. Like clock work. From my right nostril only. My waste basket overflows with fluffy white tissues that look like they have not been used. I feel so wasteful and un-green.

I am afraid it is not going to work out between us, Summer Cold. It is not you, it is me. Well actually, it is you. I was just trying to be polite.

Now go away and leave me alone. Stalker.

Love,

Sheila

 

Technorati Tags: summer cold

I’ll have the cake, please

I saw Eddie Izzard last night in San Francisco at the Orpheum Theatre. FABULOUS. I love him even more now that I did the first time I saw him on his HBO Special: Dressed to Kill…or when I first saw him live at the Orpheum in 2003 for Sexy…or when he came to U.S. TV in The Riches.

BTW, if you need to drive into San Francisco from the middle of nowhere, like Merced, drive to your nearest BART station (in this case Pleasanton), pay $10.50 for a round-trip fare to the Civic Center (which dumps you out practically on the Orpheum doorstep), and relax as you chat with friends or listen to your MP3 player for about an hour. Much better than driving all the way in yourself and dealing with traffic and parking.

Some pictures:

Micky, me & Micky’s daughter Liz in the lobby, post-drinks, pre-show. (God! Don’t you just hate pictures of yourself? Or maybe it is just me.)

Micky & Liz, in which Micky says she looks like a dork.

Do-over, in which Micky looks lovely. Liz always looks lovely in pictures. Bitch.

Blurry pic inside the theatre. I wish I could capture the elegance. You will just have to go see for yourself. GO.

Another try of the inside.

The ceiling. So much more awe inspiring in person.

Another try. Go. GOoooooooooo.

 

Technorati Tags: eddie izzard,eddie izzard san francisco 2008,orpheum theatre,fun trips

I missed by big TV

Electrician rate: $65 an hour

Time away from work: 2 hours

Having light in the living room and a reliable new electrician contact: PRICELESS

 

Technorati Tags: electrical repair

Kids Today

So I pull into Taco Bell’s drive-thru but stop a car length or so short of the end of the line to let a car on my right back out of a parking space.

Meanwhile, some high school chick swoops in from my left and pulls in front of me in line.

Mind you, there was no driveway to my left. There were two handicapped parking spaces on my side with two more mirroring them even farther to my left, each pair divided by a striped loading/unloading zone put there to accommodate the rickety people who park in such spaces.

This chick illegally drove through BOTH unloading zones and maneuvered between parked cars to line jump me while I sat there being a polite driver and a good citizen. She and her girlfriend laughed the whole way with their Here Comes My Red Lipstick lips and My Eyelids Are Sagging Under The Weight Of My Mascara lashes.

I was about to get out of my car and bitch slap them both when a fire truck pulled up and I suddenly lost all conscious thought of anything other than the three healthy, clean cut men in uniform strolling to lunch.

When I came to, the bitches were ordering. That’s okay. I got the make, model, and license number of her car. If someone wakes up to a gas tank full of sugar, I had nothing to do with it.

 

Technorati Tags: lunch is a serious thing,big haired bitches,teenage drivers

Will I or Won’t I?

I am contemplating obtaining a Masters degree in Taxation.

I am a CPA: accountant, tax preparer, bean counter, glorified bookkeeper, all around number cruncher. Several years ago, after working for a Big 4 accounting firm then later as Tax Manager at a national newspaper company, I decided I no longer wanted to be an accountant and left my job. Shortly thereafter, the company was bought out and everyone in my department lost their jobs.

A few years later I was back in tax at a global high-tech manufacturing company but soon switched departments to dabble in portal content management. I left the company altogether due to the chaos created by underfunding, undermanning, and underappreciating the portal team. Shortly thereafter, the company eliminated the department altogether and everyone lost their jobs.

*Trying to pretend I do not know what a Jonah is right now.*

I am now back at the small town public accounting firm I left over ten years ago to obtain broader tax experience in the big metropolis. It is like an old shoe, this firm: comfortable and warm and perhaps a bit boring. Hence the idea of obtaining my Masters degree to jazz things up a bit.

I emailed three of my friends who are high up the Tax food chain in both public companies and private accounting firms to ask about how a specific online course/University is respected, what they think of a potential new hire with a degree from this online U compared to a brick-and-mortar school, etc.

Two emailed back great info about the school’s reputation, the current scarcity of qualified people at certain tax levels, etc. The third called me the next day. I have condensed and paraphrased the conversation for your convenience:

Friend: WHY do you want to jump into a Masters degree program?
Me: I’m bored.
Friend: How old will you be when you finish?
Me: 50, including a few years of indentured servitude to my current employer if they opt to pay for the degree.
Friend: Um, WHY do you want to do this again?
Me: Think of it as really expensive CPE.*
Friend: Oh, well in that case, why not?

We are much alike, me and Friend. It was the right question to ask. Also factor in the fact that I only had one tax class in college. ONE. Yes, yes, I have had many CPE courses over the past twenty+ years and I have accumulated a vast amount of knowledge on the job, which is invaluable. BUT – and there is always a BUT – it feels slapdash and piecemeal. Tax is a fast moving business and the general attitude is “Go get your required CPE in the minimum possible amount of nonchargeable time and get your ass back here to bill bill bill and make the firm some money.” It is the nature of the business.

I have proposed weekly lunchtime CPE at the firm, where I teach classes on subjects ranging from simple Excel tips and tricks to more complicated tax subjects. The Masters course would give me fodder for the latter, which the partners themselves might be interested in. They are both incredibly smart but neither of them has a Masters degree in Tax, in fact I do not know of anyone in town who has one, so it could be fun for all.

Enrollment begins later this month for classes starting at the end of August. Decisions, decisions.

________________________________________________

*CPA licensing requirements demand a certain number of hours of Continuing Professional Education (CPE) each two-year licensing period. Costs start at about $100 for a self-study class on a simple subject earning a few hours of CPE and go up from there. Each 3-unit course at the online U approximates $2,500 but it does count for 45 hours of CPE.

Technorati Tags: masters in tax,why get a masters degree?

Electrical Hide and Seek

Holy crap, my living room electricity magically reactivated today at noon.

I left a small light switched on, you know, so I would know right away if my wayward electricity decided to give up an exciting life on the road and return home.

I wonder where it went. Maybe New York to sub for a vacationing Broadway marquee light. Or perhaps Alaska to get away from the heat. At the rate electricity travels, the possibilities are endless. I am just glad it came home.

I am trying not to think about electrical shorts and potential fiery death right now. I am instead focusing on the suckiness of contractors who do not return phone calls. Maybe he had inside knowledge the first two weeks of July are Spring Break for young electricity and figured I would call back if mine was gone too long.

Well, it was bound to happen

I have become one of those ladies who lets the clerk get half way through ringing up her cart of groceries before she realizes she left her wallet at home.

Sad.

 

Technorati Tags: aging,memory,where are my keys?

You Might Be a Redneck If...

Still alive, so far.

Thinking about running an extension cord from a working outlet in another room to power the TV and cable box in the living room until I get the circuit breaker situation resolved.

Wondering how redneck that would make me.

 

Technorati Tags: home improvement,my electric personality,faulty breaker