GetSheila

Jack-O-Lanterns Anyone?

I have not carved a pumpkin since I was a teenager so, um, let us just say a really long time. Decades may be involved.

I broke my jack-o-lantern-carving fast this weekend by inviting my 79 year old mom over along with my friend Micky and her teenage daughter Liz.

Behold the awesomeness of our creations:

My 79 year old mommy did this groovy bat all by herself. (Except for the part where I finished the under-wing area because she was pooped and took a coffee break. But that totally doesn't count because she did everything else, including the yukky cleaning-out-of-the-guts part, the eyes, and the delicate top cutouts.) GO MOM!

Micky made a forlorn ghost. I love him! I just want to pinch his little ghost cheeks.

Micky's second jack-o-lantern, a ghost holding a candlestick. Do you have any idea how hard it is to carve tiny fingers and even tinier candle flames? Hard, people.

Budding artist Liz, a mere teenager with more talent than all of the adults combined. LOVE the eyelashes.

My overly happy jack-o-lantern who has dental issues from eating too many sweets as a growing pumpkin and has apparently just seen something shiny off to the side.

It was the end of the day. We were tired. I had just watched the Martha Stewart Halloween show and remembered I bought paddle bits for my cordless drill months ago and had yet to use them. (Tip: using power tools on melons is fun!)

Post your jack-o-lantern pics and post a link here!

Tags: halloween, halloween2007, jack-o-lanterns

Happy Birthday To Me (10/26)

Happy birthday to me,

I am forty three,

All the parts are still working,

so Jenny Craig can bite me.

*applause*

Photo by SuperSpiker

Tags: birthday

Because I have been here over two whole months

I rearranged the family room this evening. In reviewing the new layout, I realized the room is very, um, beige. It would be helpful to put something up on the walls, I am sure, but that would require a decision. Thoughts?

There is a bit of an open space there in the middle of the room but I like to think of it as yoga space. If you look closely at the top of the fireplace mantle, you will see DVD's up there. Not that any of them are yoga DVD's but they COULD be because I DO own yoga DVD's.

Alright! I'll go find them. Quit nagging!

Tags: homeowner, reading, rearranging furniture

Why go to a party when I can stay home and do chores instead?

This weekend, I had an invitation to a Halloween costume party. Did I go? No, no I did not. Did I plan to? Yes, yes I did. What happened?

The house. The house is what happened. Sadly, a visitor (as opposed to someone who actually lives here) would not notice the result of the flurry of activity that was my weekend. Hence the beauty of bullet points:

• Tested the chemicals in the spa water and used effin' Spa Up and Spa Down until I finally figured out the nuances of the effin' spa chemical testing apparatus, with several "run the spa filter for at least 30 minutes" intermissions throughout the day before comprehension gleamed. Effin' spa.
• Did laundry. It is almost as if there is laundry to do Every Week. It cannot be, yet it seems so. Odd.
• Cleaned the floors, toilets, and sinks All By Myself because, now that I am a homeowner with a laughable amount of disposable income, I am too cheap to pay someone else to do it for me. Dammit.
• Installed a curtain rod in the master bedroom from which to hang the tab-top curtains that have been thumb-tacked up there since September in true Trailer Trash Chic fashion. Now I can open and close my bedroom curtains at will. Imagine.
• Hung the former owners' fake bamboo shades back up in the two front bedrooms because 1) I could not decide what style of window covering to put there, 2) I have no money to buy new window coverings, and 3) it freaks me out that anyone can walk up off the street and see into my house, including the master bedroom if all bedroom doors are open and aligned 'just so.' They look good, actually, those fake bamboo blinds. They are technically see-thru when it is dark outside and a light is on inside, but I am pretending I do not know that for the time being.
• Recaulked the master bathroom marble vanity, after getting a back ache scraping out the old disgusting caulk. It is still a Builder's Special cultured marble vanity with gold sparkly designs in it, but at least it no longer looks like something dead is going to crawl out of the caulking seams at any moment. ( Still to do: guest bath vanity and tub caulking.)
• Hung the DustBuster on the wall as well as a plastic bag holder from IKEA that looks like an alien when it is full of plastic grocery bags.

I also paid my bills online, updated my Wish Lists on Amazon.com and Wishlistr, and reconciled my 401K account for the past 21 months. (They hide the fees and no longer show activity detail on the quarterly statements. Bastards.)

I know I should have gone to the costume party, but I was tired and sweaty and in no mood to clean up and put on a full face of makeup, a wig, and a costume just to go to a house full of people, of which I knew all of two. (Maybe four, but they are all related so it doesn't count.) I will apologize to the party host on Monday.

My favorite motto (and one I have been using for at least a decade): it is better to ask forgiveness than permission.

What did you do this weekend?

Tags: home repairs, homeowner

Feed Me

I found this on CuteOverload today. Clearly someone has a spy camera in my bedroom. (Video embedded below.)

 I especially like the "reach out and touch you" part. Other cats do that? I thought mine were just weird.

Edit: I could not figure out who created this video but Laughing Squid has the goods. (via Blogoholics)

When Pantyliners Go Rogue

I hate it when pantyliners go rogue.

If you are a boy, of course this is not an issue for you. You do have women in your life, though, don't you? Think of it as the women's equivalent of an "adjustment." You know what I am talking about. Your boys are in a position that just is not comfortable so you reach down there and do some rearranging.

Women do The Pantyliner Dance. When first we become aware something is not right down there, we may walk with an extra "oomph" in every other step in an attempt to dislodge that corner of pantyliner that has flipped up and is now attached to our butt cheek. If you see this behavior, please ignore it, as well as the look of terror on our face. That look is the realization that should we succeed in dislodging the errant corner, it could, god forbid, attach itself to something more sensitive, like hair. I know! I'm sorry! But it had to be said.

The Hair Debacle is our worst nightmare in the pantyliner department, second only to a rogue pantyliner somehow dislodging itself completely and working its way down the leg of our pants to deposit itself on the floor in the middle of an important social networking event. Or while at grandma's.

"Wings" on pantyliners do not help. They simply provide more sticky surface available for attachment to sensitive body parts.

Eventually we know we have to find a secure location in which to make our repairs. We cannot simply stick our hand down our pants in a public location. Well, I suppose we could but that would not be ladylike. Nor would it be acceptable public behavior. Can you imagine? "Woman arrested for sticking hand down pants in The Financial District." The humiliation.

My nose runs all year long, too. Why must we leak?

Tags: pantyliners, href="http://www.technorati.com/tag/pantiliners" rel=tag>pantiliners, leaky people

Drop Dead Date

Today is October 15th. Do you know what that means? If you file your income taxes on time and never file for an extension, you probably don't.

If the question brings a sick feeling to your stomach, you are probably scrambling around at this very moment trying to find your W-2's and the random 1099 you received for a job you thought was paid under-the-table but, dammitall, they sent you a 1099.

You know today is the drop dead date for filing your 2006 income tax returns, yet still you are unprepared.

You are the person who drops off an envelope full of stuff on Friday, expecting me to work the weekend to have it ready for you to sign and file on Monday.

Or worse, you are the person who drops it off MONDAY MORNING and expects me to have it done THAT DAY.

When I open your Quicken file, which you assure me is reconciled, I discover the five checking accounts and dozen or so credit card accounts are all partially reconciled but not one is fully reconciled. Had they been, you would have discovered a great block of expenses incorrectly dated next year, thus not showing up at all in the current year printouts. But those printouts are crap anyway because you have multiple categories for the same expense all over the place and you mixed in a bunch of personal expenses with the rental expenses but did not label anything so I have to look at the description - Oh wait! There is no description! - I have to look at the payee and try to guess whether the expense could possibly be for a rental property. (Just so you know, the majority of my guesses were "personal," which translates to "non-deductible." Better luck next year.)

You and me? We will never be friends.

Tags: income tax, taxes on extension, tax returns

Itty Bitty Kitty Committee

Did I mention I discovered the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee via CuteOverload?

It is a blog by someone in the Seattle/Tacoma area who fosters kitties before they are adopted. Every day they post new pictures of itty bitty kitties. Tiny faces. Teensy paws. Big eyes. Adorable!

Just a tip for those days when you find your Cuteness Quotient a bit lacking.

You're welcome.

Tags: itty bitty kitty committee, kittens

Applying Makeup is like Life

As I put on my eye shadow the other day, I had a brainstorm about how applying makeup is like life - specifically The Eyeshadow Phase - so that is what I wrote down to jog my memory.

Of course, now I have no idea what The Eyeshadow Phase represents or how putting on makeup can possible be like life. Any thoughts?

Here are the stages I use to apply my makeup in the morning. I bet you can come up with something profound - or funny - or somewhere in between for some of them. Earnestness is optional.

1. Moisturizer
2. Concealer
3. Foundation
4. Powder
5. Eyeshadow
6. Eyeliner
7. Mascara
8. Brow filler
9. Blush
10. Final dusting of powder to set everything
11. Clear mascara to control the eyebrows
12. Lip liner
13. Lipstick

To be honest, I no longer perform steps 2 and 3 but go straight to 4 unless I am headed to a special event. Even then, I have a hard time with concealer. I never mastered the under-eye thing. I used to be in the "I am making an attempt to conceal the dark circles under my eyes" phase, whereby I walked around looking like a poor, sad mental patient who could only apply concealer in a cakey "let us call even more attention to the under-eye area" fashion. I am currently in the "Oh who cares! This is my face," phase.

I also skip 8 because, though I try to be subtle, I feel all Joan Crawford-y and "made up." Makeup should be subtle, y'know.

As for 11, it is very wasteful. You cannot simply pull the wand full of clear mascara from the tube and swipe it across your brow. No. To do so would be to deposit much too much clear goop upon the brow. First you must wipe practically all of it off on a tissue, then swipe the brows to apply the merest hint of control in the desired direction. I used to do this by spritzing my brow brush with hairspray but 1) my brow brush was swallowed by the earth at some point in the distant past, and 2) I cannot remember the last time I owned hair spray. Perhaps it is time to begin depleting the ozone layer again.

As for 12 and 13, I know these are important - I know I look much better and "finished" when I apply them - yet I constantly forget them. Perhaps it is because I take my tea along with me in the car and feel I waste my precious and expensive lipstick on the side of my travel mug. Or maybe I am just lazy. It's a toss up.

So how do you think applying makeup is like life? Or do you?

Tags: makeup

I have created a monster

Thy name is The Morning Monster.

I have a huge screened in patio. In the evening when I get home from work, I open the sliding glass doors - two sets: one in the family room and one in the dining room - and let the cats roam around out there. I open both sets of doors 1) to air out the house, and 2) so the cats can complete the circuit on their circular "I'm inside! No, I'm outside!" racetrack. On the weekends, I usually have the doors open all day, weather permitting.

Which brings me to The Morning Monster. The cats have become accustomed to going out into the patio when I am in any position other than lying prone in bed. Six AM is apparently the cutoff for allowable proneness. At six-oh-one, the meowing begins. It does not stop until I leave for work. I am sure it would stop if only I would give in to their demands and open a door to the patio but I refuse to be trained in such manner. I AM THE TRAINER, NOT THE TRAINEE.

Dammit.

There is usually a lull while they gather their strength for a renewed onslaught. This morning, the lull lasted long enough for one of the cats to hear bumps and scrambling noises on the roof. I heard it too and went out to investigate, thinking I had left the garbage can too close to the house and one of the neighborhood kitties had used it as a springboard to jump up onto the roof. But I saw nothing, Meanwhile, Tiger continues to sit at the top of the kitty condo, with his back to the room, staring into the corner with ears in alert mode.

So I am guessing I have mice or something equally creepy living in my walls.

Oh joy.

Tags: cats, incessant meowing, critters in the walls