About a year ago, I thought I'd buy a house in Atwater or Merced to be closer to both work and my little old gray-haired mommy. And glory be, a house right across the street from my mom came up for sale. I could be available for light-bulb-changing and high-object-reaching and all sorts of other tasks without having to actually live with her and cause a permanent rift in our already precarious mother-daughter relationship.
And then I saw the price: $300,000. Okay, if you live in say, the Bay Area, this price may sound like a bargain to you. THIS IS NOT THE BAY AREA. Neither is it a handy bedroom-community distance from the Bay Area. It is basically a farming community located a solid two and a half hours from San Jose on a good day. A good day is when everyone else's car breaks down, including The Law, and you are the only one on the road.
In proof of the absurdity of the price I offer the following photographic* evidence:
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Not too bad from the outside. A bit of a box, but it could be cute with a little paint touch-up and some landscaping.
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Living room with newly refinished hardwood floors and fresh paint. Quite descent, but are those metal windows with hardware of the crank-turn variety?
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Okay, that's avocado green in that dining room linoleum. (Along with a big yellow stain discovered on my walk-thru.)
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Which came first: the avocado green linoleum or the baby-poop green cabinets? And are those countertops YELLOW? Hey, where's the dishwasher?
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Extra cupboards in one of the bedrooms "great for crafter or just extra storage space." What I want to know is what you're supposed to put in that weird nook in the middle. It isn't wide enough for a twin bed or a desk. Maybe an upright coffin? I think they're really missing out by not marketing to the Goth crowd here.
But they've left out the best part. The master bathroom mirror has gold veins running through the glass, just like those old mirror squares you could buy in the 70's to decorate your wall. Not only that, it has ORANGE countertops. To balance out the yellow ones in the kitchen, perhaps?
NEWSFLASH: They've dropped the price to a record low $265,000! (Yes, it has been on the market a YEAR.) I don't know if I can resist the urge to snatch up this 50 year old, never updated gem. Somebody for god's sake talk me down!
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*Photos permanently borrowed from the Coldwell Banker Gonella Realty website
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