If you ever have a friend say to you "I know this guy who would be perfect for you," run away. If you're on the phone, hang up. If it's in an email, report this so-called friend to the Spam authorities and block her email address forever.
A girl I'd known since the third grade set me up on a blind date with her boyfriend's cousin. Actually, I think he was her boyfriend's uncle, who was our age because the grandparents continued having children way past normal child-bearing years. That should have been my first clue.
My girlfriend decided it would be great fun to double date, so we met for drinks to be followed by dinner and a movie. Nice normal date scenario, I thought. But as I sipped my cocktail, my date began telling a story designed to show what a fun and crazy guy he is. The details escape me but the ending remains with me to this day. It's not that it was exceptionally riveting. He simply described walking outside and throwing up in the bushes.
He described it vividly.
I wasn't quite sure what to say. Congratulations? Well done? Was I supposed to somehow be drawn to him now that I knew he was such a valiant regurgitator? I excused myself and went to the ladies room, resisting the urge to make a break for the front door. When I returned to the table, I received another surprise. The boys had decided we would not go to a movie after all. We would stay at the bar and drink. I looked at my long-time girlfriend and she seemed completely okay with this plan. Just alcohol and a couple of rednecks who think vomiting is an acceptable topic of conversation. I stayed for thirty more minutes and then bailed.
Thank god I came in my own escape vehicle.
