GetSheila

Sprinkler Conundrum

Does anyone else see a problem here?

 

Sprinklers? Water? Electrical lines? Just a-dangling in the wind? My front sprinklers have been connected to the controller in the backyard via this method since I moved in two years ago. Surprisingly, I have had no problems.

Until last week.

I do not know when it started, exactly. All I know is my front yard started looking brown and, when I went to investigate, I discovered the orange electrical caps scattered on the ground and the wires dangling in the wind, completely disconnected.

At first I blamed vandals. You know, “those damn kids!” But then I realized, 1) the few kids we have in the neighborhood are generally well behaved, and 2) who is going to vandalize sprinkler wires? It would be much more fun to break the actual sprinkler pipe and send water gushing into the air. I do not think vandals have the patience to disconnect sprinkler wires and then wait days or possibly weeks to see how long it takes the homeowner to notice the lawn is dying.

With vandals eliminated, I can only assume the neighborhood tomcat found the bright, dangling things irresistible and batted them around until they fell off and stopped being interesting. Officially, he lives next door. In reality, he lives on my front porch and in my back garden. He just eats next door.

To reconnect the sprinkler wires, I needed to know which of the three coming from the controller was the common wire and which were the field wires. The common is usually white while the field wires are all colors of the rainbow so you can easily identify red as zone 1, blue as zone 2, etc.

Note the colors of the three wires coming out of the tubing. THAAAAAAT’S right…they are all WHITE.

There are multicolored wires coming out of the controller in the back yard but they connect to the backyard valves…located just a few feet from the controller…where you can pull on a wire and see which zone terminal it connects to so the colors are not entirely necessary.

The genius who set things up decided not to bother spending 25 cents to get a second set of colored wires to connect the front sprinklers. You know, the ones half way around the house and stapled to the eaves so, even if you had a second person standing in back to help you see the connections, pulling on a wire from the front would result in zero movement to the wires in the back. You are stuck with trial and error: hook it all up, walk to the back of the house, turn on zone 4, walk to the front of the house, see if it actually turns on, lather, rinse, repeat.

The gods were smiling on me, however.  I connected everything correctly on the first try: common, zone 4, and zone 5. I did not even get the zones out of order.

Never underestimate sheer dumb luck.

 

Technorati Tags: home improvement,automatic sprinkler repair

Dear Lightdays Pantiliners, Part Deux

Dear Lightdays Pantiliners,

Hi! Remember me? I wrote a few weeks ago to chastise you for changing your adhesive. I have since bought larger underpants to fit my ever-widening behind. Your pantiliners now stay in place as per usual.

Pantiliners from the same boxes that produced the ones that previously flew about my underpants at will.

So, um, yeah…I falsely accused you of wrongdoing. My bad.

Chagrined,

Sheila

 

Technorati Tags: pantiliners,pantyliners,leaky people,lightdays adhesive problem

TIGER NOT DYING! OWNER DRUNK WITH JOY.

 

I took Tiger-boo in for a second opinion from a new vet and – SURPRISE! – he does not have cancer after all. At least, there is no indication of cancer at this time. His blood and urine show no anomalies, which they would if he had cancer because it apparently affects all sort of other things, like kidney and liver function. All of the tests came back perfectly normal and healthy and, dear god, they tested for everything. I have the vet bill to prove it.

The new vet could not feel the mass and does not think the funny looking area on the x-ray indicates cancer. It could just be a cross-section of poop in the bowel. He showed me some other areas on the x-ray that are, in fact, poop in the bowel and – hey! – they look suspiciously like the “cancer” area. Add the prior vet’s notes describing the alleged mass in one part of Tiger’s kitty abdomen a month ago and a completely different part a week ago and, well, I am still trying to wrap my mind around his bee-line to a 30-day mortality diagnosis.

I still have no explanation for Tiger’s rapid weight loss but it turns out he is not, in fact, underweight. He just looks super skinny to me because he was so fat before.

Now, could he still be sick and we just cannot see it? Yes, it is possible. He has been on prednisone for a week, which increases appetite and could have shrunk the mass, if there was one to begin with. The next step is to have new x-rays, though if the prednisone shrunk a tumor I am not sure what the x-rays can tell us at this point. I can have them taken before my vacation or, since the last ones were just a week ago, wait until I come back, which will put them at one month out from the last set of x-rays. Meanwhile, he stays on prednisone for 30 days, provided my house-sitter and kitty caretaker can get close enough to him to shove the pill down his throat once a day.

So, increase my comfort level by an immeasurable amount and my vet bill by another $220 before I leave for vacation or wait until I get back?

To make him docile while they drew blood and urine samples, the vet gave Tiger happy gas which had not completely worn off by the time we got home. He careened around like a drunken sailor before curling up in a corner to sleep it off. I expect he did not like the feeling much but it was funny as hell to watch.

I informed Tiger he has to live at least 450 more days to repay his $450-to-date vet bills with uninhibited kitty loving valued at $1 per day.

What? There are no kitty unions. It is a totally fair repayment schedule.

 

Technorati Tags: tiger,cats,euthanasia

Kitties: they don’t make ‘em like they used to

Meet Tiger. He is rambunctious. He is also dying, apparently.

I took him to the vet about a month ago because he was getting skinny for no apparent reason. The vet said he was not underweight and, even though he had lost an entire pound since his visit in the fall, I should just keep an eye on him and bring him back if he continues to lose weight.

I took him back today and he had lost another whole pound, which is a lot for a kitty. Factor in that it happened in a mere month and it is very bad indeed. Last visit, the vet felt a hard mass in his abdomen but said it could be poop in his intestines. He did not say he wanted to x-ray it and expressed no concern whatsoever.

This visit, he took x-rays and it is definitely a mass somewhere outside his intestines. So not poop. I could have them do exploratory surgery but the vet gave me virtually no hope. He said he has seen this many times in his twenty five years of experience and the mass, always cancer, has usually branched tentacles into various organs and is essentially inoperable. It would also be very expensive and, were it successful, would only extend Tiger’s life for a few months. But, again, he did not give me much hope that it would be successful. If he had, I would so do it. But he did not.

The vet gave Tiger about thirty days to live, shot him full of prednisone, and sent him home.

My two prior kitties lived to the ripe old ages of fifteen and eighteen. Tiger is six.

Adding to the awfulness is that I leave in two weeks to travel very far away for another two weeks, which rather uses up Tiger’s thirty day life expectancy.

So let’s see, spend bittersweet quality time with Tiger for the next week or so, have him put to sleep, then tra-la-la go and try to enjoy my vacation as I grieve for him? Or leave him in the care of my house sitter (who BTW did not sign up for kitty hospice duty,) hope he lives until I return, and worry about him the entire trip with the added bonus of looking forward to putting him to sleep when I get back?

Bah.

Technorati Tags: tiger,cats,grief,pet sickness,euthanasia

Want what you have

I was thinking the other day about how I always want to change something about my house to make it better. I took a look at the before and after photos of my house so far and – Oh My God – my house is super cute compared to where I started. I need to appreciate that more.

Before and After slideshow for your viewing pleasure:

Yes, I live in a world of beige. Shut up. I like it.

Technorati Tags: home improvement,house,before and after

May I store it for you?

In my family, to “store” something for someone means to take it out of the unused corner into which they have shoved it, fix it up, and make it your own. Should they decide they want it back at some future point, claim it has been your property all along and vehemently deny any knowledge otherwise.

I offered to store my sister’s bicycle for her the last time I was in Fresno. It was hanging in the corner where I place it a few years ago, looking dusty and forlorn. It is a Gary Fisher Wahoo mountain bike minus the front shock absorbers and with a more comfy gel seat.

Plus I added this:

Because everyone should have a happy, colorful bicycle bell. I ring it as I approach people from behind and yell, “Passing on your left!”

I took a three and a half mile ride over to my friend Janice’s house this morning to check out her garage sale, where she sold six old, sturdy dining room chairs that had been gathering dust in my garage.

No one in my family offered to store them for me so it was time to let them go. They sold by 9:15. Hooray!

Merced has two great cross-town trails that meander along waterways: Bear Creek and Black Rascal Creek. (City of Merced Bikeway Map in pdf format.) They both run east to west and, though there are several bike lanes along the main drags running north to south, frankly I do not trust Merced drivers not to run me down. I tend to ride on the sidewalks, even if it is illegal.

Here is Bob the bike, all fresh from his Spring Tune-Up at Kevin’s Bikes. (I would link to Kevin’s Bikes, but apparently they have no website. A business with no website. Crazy.)

I have ordered new brakes because the existing ones are literally falling apart. Now all I need is a helmet, a bicycle lock, a water bottle with a squirt top, and possibly a rear view mirror. Dunno about that last one. Maybe the helmet will not block my view when I turn my head as did the the giant pink visor I wore today.

 

Technorati Tags: bicycling for health,kevin's bikes,gary fisher wahoo

Happy Blogoversary to Me

GetSheila is three years old today.

Check out the Archives to see how far I have come: all the way from grief over the loss of a beloved pet, through a hysterectomy, to pantiliners and the size of my butt, with a stop or two along the way to berate bad tax clients and obsess about my house.*

My how I’ve grown.

_______________________

*I linked to a tag rather than a specific post on this link so you will have to scroll down to see all the posts.

Technorati Tags: getsheila blogoversary

Granny Panties

I broke down and bought some granny panties the other day. By “granny panties,”  I mean Fruit of the Loom 100% cotton briefs for ladies.

Sadly, they are incredibly comfortable. I bought the 6-pack “wardrobe,” which came with two in white and four IN COLOR. They are very bright and take some getting use to since I normally wear flesh-tone panties to match my flesh-tone bra so you never notice my underwear through my clothes.

In theory.

But now, NOW, I have panties in royal purple, bright yellow, polka dot, and yellow and blue flowers with pink and purple centers. I feel all little-girlie and special. I may go out and buy some footie pajamas next.

Oh wait, perhaps not the best choice for summertime in the San Joaquin Valley. Also, I had a pair as a kid and found it frustrating to have to take the whole thing off to pee. Most inconvenient, especially when half asleep in the middle of the night. Tip: Should you ever shop for footie pajamas, be sure to get the kind with a butt flap.

So the bad news is I now own cotton granny underpants. The good news is I finally know the correct panty size of my ass, if anything about an expanding backside can be considered good news.

But wait…OH MY GOD, I just realized I have fallen prey to The Beauty Myth. Dammit!

Okay, change of mindset here. A quote from the Urban Dictionary: I wear granny panties because I'd rather have baggy undies than a string in my ass.

That pretty much sums it up. From this point forward, I vow to happily and proudly wear comfortable, cotton briefs. Though I will no longer need to dig underwear out of my butt crack on a regular basis, should my comfortable, cotton briefs somehow find their way up there, I will simply reach around and tug them out, unhesitatingly, in public, with no regard for what bystanders may think of me.

I further resolve to wear short sleeves regardless of my less-than-Michelle-Obama-toned arms. I may even go sleeveless. My body is my body. Period.

It’s so liberating, this “I could give a crap” attitude!

Hey, déjà vu. I have had this attitude before. Hm…it went away for a while. Whatever dude, it’s back now and NEVER GOING AWAY AGAIN.

Must be all the endorphins from my regular exercise regime.

Next mission: to find an exercise bra that both fits and prevents bouncing while running yet does not require gymnastics to get on and off. Fact or fable?

 

Technorati Tags: granny panties,cotton briefs for women,the beauty myth

My microwave passed out this morning

Don’t worry. Bob is fine now.

I call all inanimate objects Bob, much to the consternation of my friend Astrid’s husband, Bob. All inanimate objects except my laptop table Dave, that is. IKEA named him and to arbitrarily start calling him Bob would be confusing and wrong.

Bob the microwave is perfectly okay now but he gave me quite a scare this morning. My routine is to stumble bleary eyed to the kitchen and heat one and a half cups of water in the microwave for four and a half minutes while I stumble back to the bathroom to wash my face. Me and my fresh face then put a tea bag in the hot water to steep and set the microwave timer for another four and a half minutes while I go back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When the timer dings, I have perfectly steeped tea ready for its transformation into the perfect cup of morning wake up via the application of milk and sugar.

This morning, however, I inadvertently turned the microwave ON for the second four and half minutes rather than simply setting the timer so Bob cooked a whole bunch of nothing all that time. He finished, beeped as per usual, and waited for me to arrive to pull out the tea bag before saying, “Oh for fuck’s sake,” and clicking all of his little lights off while I stood there feeling helpless and alone. His skin was hot to the touch and he smelled funny.

My first thought was to panic but I assembled my cup of tea instead and went out to the garage to make sure I still had the tiny microwave that came with the house which, in a flash of brilliance, I kept for emergency backup purposes. Bob II was just where I left him.

As I came back inside, Bob woke from his fainting spell. It’s a miracle! Or he remembered Bob II lives in the garage and re-thought his little tantrum. Either way, I apologized and promised not to cook a whole bunch of nothing in future and Bob said he will happily nuke anything I want for as long as his little high voltage transformer holds out.

The moral of this story is that relationships are all about give and take and compromise.

Or maybe its all about leverage. You decide.

 

Technorati Tags: microwaving nothing,bob

You can’t get there from here

It started as a simple visit to my sister’s place near Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. I got the idea to take a few days to drive from there up to Edmonton, Alberta, city of my birth. Hey, maybe mom would like to come along! It is always more fun to travel a deux.

Mom said yes and so began the logistical planning…and my swift descent into Travel Planning Hell.

1. International, my ass. I had thought to fly into Edmonton and drive one-way down to Coeur d’Alene. Too bad it turns out you cannot fly from Fresno Yosemite International Airport to Edmonton without changing planes someplace horrific, like San Francisco. In fact, you cannot fly anywhere outside the continental US from Fresno via a direct flight. Methinks Fresno is getting a tad big for its britches with the whole “International” moniker.
   
   Oh hey, it turns out anyone can call themselves “International” if they have the ability to handle international aviation traffic, regardless of whether they actually offer any international flights.
   
   From now on please address me as Ms. Sheila International Livingston. I have the ability to handle international travel. I simply choose not to exercise it very often.
    
2. No cars, sorry. Canadian vehicles spontaneously combust at the US border. Or something.
   
   I attempted to book a one-way rental car from Edmonton to Coeur d’Alene so we can drive through the gorgeous Jasper and Banff National Parks. This is impossible to do online so I called the Expedia customer service number and explained what I wanted to do. I told the woman I could drop the car off either at the Spokane airport or possibly Seattle, thinking Seattle is a bigger airport so maybe I would have better luck if I expanded my car-dropping options.
   
   I asked if there was some weird law that does not allow rental cars to cross the border if it a one-way trip. She took all of my information, did not answer my question, keyed in a bunch of things and…
   
   Told me exactly what the website told me: there is no way to rent a cars for a one-way trip from Edmonton to the US. I repeated my “weird law” question, in response to which she had no idea.
   
   Is it not logical for persons employed to assist travelers with their travel plans to know the border crossing rules? Should she not have known there is no way to rent a car for a one-way trip in the US from Canada even before she started to key things in?
   
   She did not offer any travel alternatives so, in the spirit of giving her the opportunity to provide me with some actual assistance, I asked for suggestions as to how to accomplish my goal of getting from Edmonton back to the US: she suggested I fly.
   
   When I reminded her I would be leaving Edmonton by car to drive through the National Parks, ending up two thirds of the way back to Idaho in the car, she said I should drive back to Edmonton and fly back to the US.
   
   Because that makes perfect sense. Hell, even I figured out after I hung up that, if I were going to fly, it is much closer to drive from Banff to the Calgary airport and fly back to the US from there rather than drive all the way back to Edmonton.
   
   Expedia.com customer service review: Grade F.
    
3. Only rich people can sleep in the National Parks. Anyone can drive through Banff and Jasper National Parks but there are no inexpensive motels for sleeping. The minimum price for a one night stay is $150. There are a few less expensive places that call themselves “rustic” but customer reviews note things like determined spiders and disappearing staff who do not answer the phone and cannot be found anywhere on the premises when a new problem arises.
   
   I will gladly pay more to stay in a nice place with a nice view with pleasant and attentive staff. Beside, when am I ever going to have the opportunity to see these fabulous Parks? I may as well do it in style. Not $500/night style like the Fairmont Banff Springs, but $150/night will be just fine thank you.
    
4. What to do once we get there? My 81 year old mom has a bum knee and cannot do a lot of walking. It is hard to plan outings not knowing what is there and what requires hiking to get to an appropriate place to view the Big Important Thing vs. what we can drive right up to. Thankfully my brother Gene has done the Parks and will email me ideas for outings that are not too strenuous. Whew!
    

Perhaps there is a reason I never take real vacations. I must have planned one in the past and subsequently blocked out the nightmare that is the planning phase.

Why is it that when I know EXACTLY what I want, it cannot be done that way? It happens with shopping, too. When I know exactly what I want, it is not available. In fact, they do not even make it any more. At least with travel I CAN actually get there from here, it just costs a million dollars and takes three times as long as it should.

_______________________________

Note to Mom: Do not think for one minute about cancelling the trip just because the planning is a pain in the ass. WE ARE GOING. Dust off your Barbie Boobs and get out the suitcase!

Technorati Tags: travel,expedia customer service sucks,us canada travel,banff national park,jasper national park,edmonton,karen,coeur d'alene